The leaked naked Rihanna photos, then. Someone must have leaked them. But who? What’s that? Chris Brown did? Oh, alright then.

Hang on a minute. Chris Brown didn’t leak the naked Rihanna photos? Who said that? Chris Brown said that? Oh, then it must be true. Anyway, despite rumours Chris Brown has denied leaking the naked pictures of Rihanna onto the internet. And you know what? We believe him.

Chris Brown can’t have leaked the Rihanna photos because the only thing he leaks is evil. And saliva out of his mouth because of his impractically large teeth. But mainly evil.

If you were Chris Brown at the moment, and a) the world hated you because you allegedly beat Rihanna up while threatening to kill her, and then b) Rihanna broke your heart by publicly dumping you, then you’d be a bit peeved, wouldn’t you?

There are plenty of ways of getting over it, though. Chris Brown could throw himself into porking more old ladies if he wanted, for instance. Or he could try and get his body prison-fit just in case he’s found guilty of that thing he’s already apologised for once. Or there’s option three – deliberately releasing a set of naked Rihanna photos onto the internet to teach that bitch a lesson. Another lesson. Allegedly.

Except, no, the third option absolutely didn’t happen. Although some bloggers immediately pointed the finger at Chris Brown when the naked photos of Rihanna were leaked, Chris Brown is absolutely adamant that he didn’t leak anything. And frankly we’re going to agree with whatever he says, because everyone know what you’ll end up looking like if you cross him. Allegedly. Anyway, MTV reports:

After blogger Perez Hilton suggested that Brown “must be responsible” for leaking the pics, a spokesperson for the singer denied the charge late Sunday. “Rumors that images circulating on the web which purport to be provocative photos of Rihanna were ‘leaked’ by Chris Brown are both false and defamatory,” read a statement from a spokesperson for Brown’s label, Jive.

So if Chris Brown didn’t leak the naked Rihanna photos, then who did? Well, putting on our detective hats for a moment, we notice that one of the photos shows a woman who looks like Rihanna standing by a mirror with ‘I love you’ written on it in lipstick. Therefore, by working out who Rihanna loves, we’ll get to the bottom of the leak in no time. So who does Rihanna love? Here’s our preliminary list:

1 - Chris Brown

2 - Shia LaBeouf

3 – Wilmer Valderrama

4 - Josh Hartnett

5 - One or both of Rihanna’s parents

6 - Every single pop video made by Grace Jones throughout the 1980s

7 - New Easy Breezy Covergirl Wetslick Fruit Spritzers

8 - Herself

We’re onto you, leakers. We’re onto you bad.

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