Kids, if you ever want to be famous, don’t forget the importance of having sex with high-ranking government officials for cash.
That’s what Ashley Dupré did, and it’s been the making of her. Since being named as the prostitute who led to the downfall of former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, Ashley Dupré has become a megastar. She can’t even leave her house anymore without people recognising her and shouting encouraging messages like “I know you! You’re that whore!” and “Hey Little Miss Grubbyknickers! Here’s some money! Eat this!”
In fact Ashley Dupré is now so famous that she’s got her own episode of 20/20 coming up where she gets to reveal that she doesn’t feel responsible for Eliot Spitzer’s resignation, the emotions she experienced as the scandal unfolded and the way that she feels ‘connected’ to Eliot Spitzer’s wife – which we think might be code for crabs or syphilis or something, though we couldn’t say for certain.
We have to tip our hat to ABC at the moment. We don’t know how it’s doing it, but somehow it’s managing to find all the stories that everybody cared about half a year ago but don’t any more and give them all super-long documentaries for no apparent reason whatsoever. ABC, you deserve a medal.
Seriously, thanks to you we’ve learnt all about Peter Cook’s divorce from Christie Brinkley several months after it stopped being interesting, and we’ve learnt all about the pregnant man long after he stopped being even vaguely controversial – so what now? Oh, that whole ‘Eliot Spitzer banging a whore’ thing! Nobody’s thought about that since about April, so it must be time to drag it all out back into the open again, right?
Apparently so. Despite doing her best to lay low since being implicated in the vice ring that brought down New York Governor Eliot Spitzer by only being endlessly discussed by Donald Trump and appearing on a low-rent soft pornography DVD and almost getting her own TV show, Ashley Dupré has finally decided to break the silence that we’re told she’s apparently been keeping on a special edition of 20/20.
Perfect. This Ashley Dupré interview will have something for everyone, provided that a) you’re into the human interest side of political scandals, b) you’ve been in a coma since April and all of this still seems like news to you and c) prostitutes! Woo!
So what shocking and still completely newsworthy nuggets of fact does Ashley Dupré reveal in her 20/20 interview? ABC has more. And remember Ashley, extra points if you can phrase your answer in an unfortunate way:
Dupré told ABC News’ Diane Sawyer that she does not feel responsible for Spitzer’s downfall. “If it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else,” she said. “I was doing my job. I don’t feel that I brought him down.”
Very good. That was an impressively unfortunate way for a prostitute to discuss one of her clients. Full marks, Ashley.
But what of the future? Well, even though she’s so famous that she could probably live quite comfortably on a handful of blowjobs a year now, in the interview Ashley Dupré reveals that she has actually quit whoring to concentrate on establishing her singing career full-time.
It’s foolish for Ashley Dupré to want to switch from being a prostitute to being a pop star – the two professions are so far apart. After all, being a pop star involves brutal, near-constant degredation that saps your will to live and often leads to habitual drug use and grotty bunk-ups with middle-aged men who promise that they’ll help your career and… oh, wait.
Ashley Dupré’s going to be a brilliant pop star.
Jack Bauer says
Why is your tone so harsh? It’s personal isn’t it? Please tell us…it has to be more interesting than 20/20!
Stan says
Anyone who’s willing to give Eliot Spitzer a blow job should be shown more consideration.
bitter much? says
wow, stuart, i’m sorry for whatever girl jilted you because she did some serious damage. get some therapy for your fear of women, boy. seriously.
good for ashley. i hope she gets all she can out of this. she earned it.
zorg says
I may know nothing about the sociology of prostitution, but I know one thing for certain:
It is my god-given right to vent outrage about undeserving hypocrites who get stuff, and to ridicule them because they say stuff, and to thumbs-up the finest headline I’ve seen in a month (that will have me saying “stuff” all day), and to assert that I would handle things differently if I were a whore or governor or tv interviewer/whore!
Jerry C says
Agree with all above except for stan.
Christine says
YOU GO GIRL!!!
I-N-D-E-P-E-N-T
lmbo says
I think it’s a hilarious piece of writing!
Thanx for pointing out just how people try to make money out of everything! I don’t wish anyone bad – but could these people who have no talent, no visions, no ideas,… just stop pushing themselves into the limelight? It’s getting tiresome!
Stuart Heritage says
An old Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, “A battle is raging inside me … it is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The old man fixed the children with a firm stare. “This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”
They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee replied: “The one you feed.”
I Stuart Heritage have chosen to feed the first wolf.
walford says
From another curmudgeon/iconoclast, thank you for performing the wildly unpopular task of calling things for what they are.
The woman is poised to reap financial rewards and garner a modicum of fame merely for being a warm place to put it.
Lionizing this prostitute sets an extremely bad example for girls who are faced with the decision of struggling to study and work hard, when all they have to do is lie on their backs for the right wrinkled sperm donor.
Don’t listen to these politically correct ninnies. Keep up the good work.
Stuart Heritage says
Dear Christine,
That is easily the finest comment I have ever read on any website in my entire life. I am literally crying with laughter. Thank you.
sheez a whore says
What a sad sad sad country. ABC should be ashamed of themselves. Not only are you Americans financially bankrupt, you’re 100% morally bankrupt as well.
maribel says
Why are you so angry Stuart? Did you get rejected by a prositute yourself?
Whether prostitution is right or wrong is one issue, but you forget that Spitzer is the married one and not her and HE seeked her not the otherway around.
ROGER says
Stuart,
Get some help. Getting people to agree with you doesn’t make you knowledgeble, right or less jaded.
Roger
April MacIntyre says
Holy shit Stuart- I loved the headline. It summed it up beautifully-the whores – both sanctimonious pol schill Spitzer and his Jersey receptacle – are despicable people.
beth says
regardless of the trivial coverage, she’s a working girl not a whore – whore’s give it away for free, usually ruining their own lives and most definitely the lives of their families in doing the process — why don’t you rant about all the cheats (on both genders), those are the ones that deserve to be called whore!
StantheMan says
People, Stuart sounds sarcastically about the truth of waht the situation is. The TRUTH!!. She is what she is. I agree with the Stew man. ABC is basically saying that high-class prostitution is ok and we should celebrate it. Well, then, let’s legalize prostution…I mean for some people to get to the top, they join small law firms or work long weekend hours at factories or wait tables…and others…do it on their backs or on four. Dupre…doesn’t matter who the “client” is your job is still prostitution.
I’m with ABC, lets celebrate Prostitution!!! In this country we make prostitutions into super stars! Take that Al Qaeda…
Peaceout-
Lauren says
I think this is an accurate picture. Just because she’s using her 5 minutes of fame to make herself out appear to be a huge star, she was too lazy to do the work before and that’s why she became a hooker. Society doesn’t want “role models” like this and women definitely don’t respect women like her.
Her career will go nowhere.
Sara says
You women/men who sell their bodies for money are smart because some of them actually take care of themselves (wearing condoms and such) but those women who spread their legs the minute some guy give them a compliment what are you suppose to call them. and its not like it happens one time there are a bunch of college students jumping into bed just to feel something but that is morally correct but taking money after giving someone head is morally wrong? How is it we sit around and judge people and never one take a good look at ourselves in the mirror.
Sara says
Beth you and I are on the same page thank you. The undercover whores ( these are the girls who go to bars and hook up with random strangers just for fun) are the first ones to judge other people.
gir says
“YOU GO GIRL!!!
I-N-D-E-P-E-N-T”
Fucking lmao
Frank says
Next week they should interview that guy who sucked off Hugh Grant!
Michael says
Great article.
Some pretty hilarious responses, too.
Beth’s was the funniest “She’s a ‘working girl’, not a whore.”
I wonder what kind of work Beth does?
Prostitution should be legal.
The government has no business interfering in anyone’s sex life.
Ashley was not soing anything wrong, in my opinion, and what Spitzer did should have been between him and his wife and dear Ashley.
That’s my opinion…but then, I’m not a self-serving religous hypocrite.
Stabby McGee says
“YOU GO GIRL!!!
I-N-D-E-P-E-N-T”
Yet another future old-meme. Excellent stuff, keep it up!
Beth says
It’s quite strange seeing someone else with my name saying things I think are dumb.
Whores take money. The dictionary says so. It can also be used to mean “an unchaste or lewd woman; a fornicatress or adulteress” according to the Oxford English Dictionary, and Merriam Webster adds that it can also mean “a venal or unscrupulous person.”
The idea that this woman thinks she’ll have a singing career is hilarious. But I bet she’s better than Paris Hilton.
“YOU GO GIRL!!!
I-N-D-E-P-E-N-T”
is the funniest thing that’s happened to me in a week.