Readers, we can now die and go to heaven – we’ve just seen the most confusing and slightly gut-churning thing we’ll ever see.

It’s a picture of Thomas Beatie – the famous pregnant man from a few months ago – topless, pregnant and flexing his biceps into a mirror. It’s weird. It’s like that scene from American Psycho where Christian Bale is gazing at his muscles in the middle of the threesome, but a few months after he’s managed to get himself pregnant. Weird. Weird.

Why are we telling you this? Because we saw it while reading that Thomas Beatie has got himself pregnant again. Look, we know what you’re thinking – usually one child is enough for a bearded mother of nonspecific gender – but we can totally see his rationale behind getting pregnant again. Now Thomas Beatie’s children will both have someone to cling onto in terror when their parents tell them how they were born.

Remember a few weeks ago when everyone thought that Jamie Lynn Spears had got pregnant again? It turns out that she hadn’t, but it would have meant that she’d have got pregnant just four months after giving birth. Given that that’s slap-bang in the middle of the stage where both parents are still constantly exhausted and covered in baby poo, that’s impressive.

But not as impressive as Thomas Beatie. He gave birth to his first child in a flurry of controversy at the end of June, and now it’s been revealed that he’s pregnant again. That means not only is he exhausted and covered in baby poo, but he’s also got a penis. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Jamie Lynn.

Anyway, yes, the point is that controversial pregnant dad Thomas Beatie has got pregnant again, just a few months after he pushed his last baby out of his… we want to say arse.

Thomas Beatie revealed all to Barbara Walters, as ABC reports:

Thomas Beatie, who is in his first trimester, tells Walters he did not go back on the male hormone testosterone after Susan’s birth so he could have another baby. “I feel good,” he said. “I had my checkups with my hormone level, as far as the HCG. And everything is right on track.” He says the baby is due June 12.

As unusual as it may seem to begin with, Thomas Beatie’s second pregnancy is perfectly normal. He’s still a human being, and he has every right to bring as many children into this world as he likes. We have no doubt in our mind at all that Thomas Beatie will raise this new child with nothing but pure, endless love.

Plus we bet that Angelina Jolie will spend a fortune trying to buy it off him. Any old sod can get a baby born in Africa these days, but a baby that came out of a bloke? Top that, Madonna.

Oh, and to answer the question we set in the headline, the reason why we think that Thomas Beatie can’t keep it in his pants is because hardly any of it is in his pants any more. We’re guessing most of it’s in a jar on a creepy surgeon’s desk somewhere.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!