Awards ceremonies like the Razzies exist to perform an important function – mainly to tell us that Mike Myers isn’t funny any more.
Gee, thanks Razzies! But while we await the Razzies’ next profoundly original thought – something tells us it’ll involve bears and woods – let’s reflect on Saturday night’s Razzies, where Mike Myers’ The Love Guru managed to win Worst Picture, Worst Actor and Worst Screenplay.
A clean sweep for The Love Guru? Hardly – because yet again, Jessica Alba managed to avoid getting a Worst Actress award. Hey Razzies, she’s not going to marry just because you only think she’s marginally abominable.
Because of the Oscars, today is about success. Well, no, to be accurate last night was about success – today is either about hangovers, empty-handed bitterness or the life-destroying realisation that Mickey Rourke mistook you for a lady and rogered you silly in a toilet while you were tipsy on complimentary champagne.
But Saturday? Saturday was all about failure. Glorious, near-superhuman failure. That’s because Saturday was Razzies day, and only the worst of the worst can win at the Razzies. You want to win a Golden Raspberry? Then you’d better make a film about a woman skidding around on her menstrual blood in a chemist, hadn’t you?
Sadly, nobody in the last 12 months had got round to making a film as spectacularly horrible as Dirty Love, but that just left the field wide open for The Love Guru, Mike Myers’ shockingly unfunny comedy which was the early favourite to clean up at the Razzies thanks to its four billion nominations.
And on Saturday night, The Love Guru didn’t disappoint. BBC News reports:
Mike Myers’ comedy flop The Love Guru has dominated the Golden Raspberries, the spoof prizes awarded to the worst Hollywood movies of the year. The film won Razzies for worst picture, worst actor – for Myers in the title role – and worst screenplay, in the annual eve-of-Oscars mock-ceremony. In a rare double, socialite Paris Hilton “won” prizes for worst actress and supporting actress.
Did Mike Myers attend The Razzies to collect his award? No, of course he didn’t – judging by all the interviews he’s done over the last year, Mike Myers only ever agrees to go out in public if he’s allowed to waffle on for seven hours about the marriage of spirituality and creativity in the most humourless way imaginable.
But more fool us, because even though he’s responsible for what’s now officially the worst movie of the year, it’s not what people will remember him for. No, they’ll remember Mike Myers for Shrek. And Shrek 2. And Shrek 3. And Shrek 4. And Shrek The Halls. And Shrek: Smash N Crash Racing. And Shrek: Far Far Away Idol. And Shrek 4-D. And Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party. And So I Married An Axe Murderer. And that’s probably about it.
GamblingRules says
Maybe is better to remember him as a Shrek, than forget him and them in 20 years he makes a comeback in a movie named The wrestler: sherk edition.