After China had an earthquake Sharon Stone ran about yelling things like “let’s eat the surviving children,” and “finally, I can wear underpants again! A seriously devastating Asian earthquake is all I’ve been waiting for! I’m not kidding! A gypsy once told me to leave it open down there until something like this happened! This is especially nice as it’s been chilly lately!”
Now keep in mind that quote is with many creative liberties on our part. Nonetheless – Stone rocked the Asian world with some comment that was so dull we’ve long since forgotten what it was. But PETA hasn’t.
No – PETA is still livid. Livid enough to fire off a letter to Stone several months after the fact offering to give her a free brain scan to see if that’s why she’s so indifferent to human life and….(wait for it)… the suffering of animals.
Something must be wrong with Sharon Stone.
No, not because of the stupid Chinese earthquake thing – we mean physically. In all the commercials for Basic Instinct 2 her back just looked a little crooked. Nothing a brace couldn’t fix – and we’d like to tell her that too, maybe in a letter.
We’d better not send that letter now though as Stone’s mailbox may be too full, what with all that CAT scan equipment in there and what-not. Now to be honest the CAT scan equipment is very expensive and costly to use – and PETA knows this. That’s why they’ve offered to pay for Stone to get a brain examination. In a letter from PETA headquarters, animal-lord Ingrid Newkirk said:
“Given that millions of people – including children – were killed, injured, and left homeless by the recent earthquake in China, everyone was shocked to hear you dismiss the devastating effects of this disaster. However, your cavalier attitude did not come as a surprise to us. We are used to the indifference that you flaunt and the callous remarks that you make about the suffering and death of the animals whose fur you wear so often.
“Scientific studies suggest that the prefrontal regions of the brains of people who lack empathy might be underdeveloped. Here’s our offer: Would you allow PETA to pay for a scan of the prefrontal region of your brain to determine if comments and actions that seem to demonstrate a lack of empathy are the result of a physical defect?”
As hecklerspray reads the contents of a letter like that, the first thing we think about is shutting the blinds so that nobody sees us wearing our polar-bear-skin bathrobe as we sit in front of our computer monitor typing on specially-made ivory keys and using a dead weasel as a wrist-rest.
Once we’re sure nobody can see in, we feel much more comfortable thinking about how that Newkirk dame sounds a tad lonely, and that the skin from her back might make a nice pair of mittens for somebody.
And then we think about offering a bounty of ten thousand dollars for a pair of mittens made from the PETA lady’s velvety-soft back.
And then we think about how an offer like that could land us in prison if taken seriously, but that it might be worth it because at least our hands would be warm as we tickled ourselves through the gloves every night as we prepare for slumber.
Wait – do they take away your mittens when they book you into prison?
Well lets just cancel the whole thing then.
Robyn says
I think Sharon Stone is crazy, and something has to be wrong with her physicaly, or mentally, but her comments on things are so far off it’s frieghtening.
She sounds like a psycopath, and I wouldn’t be suprised if eventually she actualy ended up killing something or someone.
Get help Sharon PLEASE! Could it all be due to her terrible accident, or was she like that before? She scares me, and she is one actress I would never want to meet. NEVER!