MTV EMAs – if ever there was a show like the MTV VMAs but worse because it’s held somewhere cold and drizzly, it’s you.
The MTV Europe Music Awards took place last night in Liverpool, and it was the perfect opportunity for the city to show off that famous sense of humour it’s always blathering on about. How did it do this? By naming Rick Astley as the Best Act Ever? No – it did it by giving 30 Seconds To Mars multiple awards even though they’re the worst band in the history of recorded music. Oh, you crazy Liverpudlians with your funny pranks.
Also Paul McCartney got given something called an Ultimate Legend award at the MTV EMAs, which isn’t surprising because he’s hands-down the thing that Liverpool is most famous for. Well, the most tangible one, anyway – it’s not like you can give an award to a chippy sense of wounded resentment, is it?
For all its sins – like the way it commoditised the music industy and its perverse insistence on keeping Kerry Katona in gainful employment – MTV is making the world a better place. No, really, it is.
And it’s all down to MTV’s foreign exchange awards host scheme. At the MTV VMAs earlier this year, Europe sent Russell Brand over to America as a host and then sat back as he offended everyone in sight. And so America retaliated by letting Katy Perry host last night’s MTV EMAs in Liverpool, even though everyone hates her because she held a knife once.
But anyway, the awards. Rather than do what others are doing and grumble that hardly anyone British won any MTV EMAs even though Britain had graciously allowed MTV to hold its awards show here, we’ll just try and concentrate on the facts. And those facts are:
* Pink won Most Addictive Track for a song we heard once and can’t remember.
* Kanye West won Ultimate Urban, depriving everyone of the only reason to watch music awards shows – the embittered Kanye West spaz-out.
* As with the MTV VMAs, Britney Spears won several awards, including Album Of The Year, Act Of 2008 and the We Promise To Give You All Sorts Of Awards You Don’t Deserve If You Let Us Do A Documentary About You bumlick award.
* 30 Seconds To Mars won the Rock Out and Video Star awards, which we’re taking as either a) an elaborate joke that we haven’t got yet, b) a shameful recognition that Jared Twatting Leto was the most famous person from an American rock band to bother showing up, or c) that God hates us all.
And then there was Paul McCartney. As the sort of guest of honour at the MTV EMAs, it was only right that Paul McCartney was given the biggest award of the night – the Ultimate Legend award or, as it’s informally known, the It’s Safe To Assume That All Paul McCartney Albums In The Future Will Be Rubbish award.
As Liverpool’s most famous son, not only did Paul McCartney turn up to the MTV EMAs but he was also deeply gracious in victory, as Reuters reports:
“Many years ago four little boys were born here in Liverpool and we went on to do quite well,” McCartney said of his former band the Beatles, the most successful pop act of all time. “So thanks to all my family, to all of you for coming along, to all of you in Liverpool, to everyone in Britain, to everyone in America for voting for Mr. Obama.”
So congratulations to Paul McCartney for winning his MTV EMA, and commiserations to Ringo Starr. Apparently he was the first choice to win the Ultimate Legend award, but he must have thrown his invitation in the bin or something.