Whether it’s by singing about kissing girls or by slightly looking a bit like a man, Katy Perry has never shied away from controversy.
And because of this affinity for controversy, Katy Perry is currently getting the hiding of her life. A couple of days ago The Sun published a photo of Katy Perry posing with a knife accompanied by a headline similar to but not exactly ‘BURN THE WITCH FOR SHE KNOWES MAGICK!’ and now all hell has broken loose.
So, with the sound of tabloid disapproval ringing in her ears, Katy Perry has released a statement saying that she is ‘against all violence’. Problem solved. Now The Sun can get back to the real threat to the nation’s youth – all those pictures of Katy Perry wearing 1940s swimsuits. Seriously, if we start seeing girls dressed as WWII cheesecake models in the street, we’re going to form a mob and burn Katy’s house down.
You know who we feel sorry for? Forks. Over the last few weeks it’s been all knife this and knife that – what with Angelina Jolie buying a knife for her six-year-old son and Kerry Katona throwing a shitty fit about it – and yet the fork, the knife’s humble cutlery partner and perhaps the more versatile implement of the two, has been shunned. Truly, the fork is the four-pronged McCartney to the knife’s pointy Lennon.
And now it’s time for Katy Perry to damage her reputation by association to a knife. Up until now, not much has really been known about Katy Perry, apart from the fact that she once annoyed Jesus by singing a song about kissing a girl and fell onto a big cake the other day. That’s literally it.
Or that literally was it until Wednesday, when The Sun newspaper decided to publish a three-year-old photo of Katy Perry holding a knife quite close to her eye alongside a screaming piece of journalism linking her to the wave of teenage knife crime that’s sweeping the UK at the moment. Because, as we all know, teenagers are easily manipulated and love to emulate their idols.
Incidentally, that’s true – as children we were influenced by everything we saw on TV, which is why we spent six solid months of 1989 dressed as David The Gnome and once tried to kill ourselves because we couldn’t push cuckoo clocks and beachballs out of our arses like Bertha, the mid-1980s animated children’s factory unit. But this is besides the point.
Anyway, astonished that her transparently controversy-baiting photo has actually become somewhat controversial, Katy Perry has issued something of a stunned statement pointing out that death by stabbing doesn’t make her particularly happy. MTV reports:
Her US publicist told MTV News: “Katy Perry is against all violence. The photo in question was taken in 2005 and is in no way related to the current events in the UK.”
It’s just an upsetting coincidence, that’s all, that a photo of Katy Perry wielding a knife has been published during a moral panic about youth-based knife crime.
But if you think this is a storm, just wait until you see the other pictures of Katy Perry from 2005 that happen to eerily echo current news, like the photo of Katy Perry dressed as Sarah Palin skinning a moose, the photo of Katy Perry dressed as a crying stockbroker and the photo of Katy Perry denying that she condones knife crime based on a photo of Katy Perry that was taken three years before that one.
Mithaearon says
dont slag her off she might stab you with her knife!
gir says
All this fork/knife talk and no mention of the spoon? For shame, Stuart. How is one supposed to eat soup with either a knife or a fork? Spoons can, in a pinch, substitute for forks, and do quite well. They are less adept at knife-work, but probably every bit as good at it as any fork! Plus, spooning is innocent and yet very romantic! Knifing is not innocent OR romantic, and forking….well….
And if you even mention the abomination that is the spork….I have my stabbin’ spoon at the ready.
Stuart Heritage says
My god, you’re right. I’ll rectify this oversight by pledging my support to the spoon-based charity of your choosing. It will not happen again.
gir says
Apparently there is one: http://www.woodenspoon.com/194_132.php
Shooty* says
Yeah, but you would, wouldn’t you? Eh? Eh? Eh?
Like Dita Von Teese with clothes on. Kind of.
Julian Mentat says
In MY latest photo, I’m holding half a billion dollars’ worth of Credit Default Swaps.
Chris says
so would… so very would until it hurt
angeleye says
Katy Perry has refuted claims linking a picture of her holding a knife with violent crime in the UK.
Read more about her personal view about the issue here.
http://www.madceleb.blogspot.com
Also enjoy her latest photo collection with the hot knife picture
Rell says
Isn’t that A Clockwork Orange tribute?
Julian Mentat says
>> “Isn’t that A Clockwork Orange tribute?”
Yes, it clearly is a Clockwork Orange tribute, but that doesn’t get her off the hook because street crime in the UK is now indistinguishable from A Clockwork Orange.
Except for the clothes. The clothes are stupider now.
robyn says
people get killed every single day and there you are doing something stupid like that
Sarah Fedz says
The tabloids completely make something out of everything. I think this article is pathetic useless waste of shitty propaganda . Has nothing to do with katy perry’s attitude towards permitting violence to minors. – Sarah Fedz