Ringo is a translator, reaching up into the heavens, jotting what he finds there for all of humanity to hear. His mind is a seed from which entire musical forests spring forth. He possibly has the most vital job that has ever been.
That’s why it’s essential that everyone finally leave him alone once and for all, and for Pete’s sake stop sending him stamped envelopes pleading for things like autographs and 40-year-old rusty Beatles memorabilia. He’s far too busy to respond, he’s fed up.
He’s basically said as much on a new video his website is hosting. No really, he has.
If you’re a fan, Ringo Starr has nothing against you. Sure, sometimes he thinks of you and all the ways you impede on his time, but really he doesn’t completely hate you.
But if you don’t stop acting so dumb really, really soon, he probably will hate you. And you don’t want that. Seriously, imagine him writing a song with the same melody as Octopus’s Garden, but all the lyrics are about maggots eating your flesh as it falls to the floor after you spring a trap he ingeniously set to splash you all over with Drano, Lime-Away and broken glass from your Mama’s back door.
Like we said – you don’t want that.
Keep that in mind – especially now that he’s given fair warning. According to the online version of the Sydney Morning Herald:
“Former Beatle Ringo Starr has posted a bizarre video of “peace and love” on his website saying he has had enough of fan mail and people seeking autographs. The Fab Four drummer’s 44-second rant pleaded for fans to leave him alone and said he doesn’t have time to sort through his mail box anymore. “This is a serious message. I want to tell you please, after the 20th of October do not send fan mail to any address you have. Nothing will be signed. If that has a date on the envelope it’s gonna be tossed, I’m warning you with peace and love,” he said in the video titled Sorry, No More Signing Stuff.”
From what we heard the last straw was when he received a fake leg in the mail with a Sharpie and a request to make the calf-signature out to one H. Mills. Well we can relate to that completely. So far we have an entire attic full of Heather Mills hobble-wear, and apparently she keeps thinking that maybe we’ll sign the next one if she can just get it to us via an overnight shipper with a reliable package-tracking service.
Sorry Mills, after what you did to all those innocent baby seals, no can do.
For the record, we really don’t remember what she did to those little white seals – we just seem to recall her name loosely associated with them.
Watch Ringo’s weird video right here: