Anyone who's ever seen Orlando Bloom in any of his films knows that he's not a terribly convincing actor, but now it seems that Orlando Bloom isn't terribly convincing at driving a car either.
It's been reported that Orlando Bloom crashed his car into two other parked cars after leaving a Los Angeles nightclub early on Friday morning, leaving his two passengers injured and bleeding. And, since Orlando Bloom wasn't drunk at the time of the crash, he's decided to do the decent celebrity thing and blame the paparazzi for causing it. And Orlando Bloom's alleged paparazzi-initiated car crash is starting to have the same impact as the last great paparazzi-initiated car crash of our times – that of Princess Diana – with people already asking each other "Where were you when Orlando Bloom crashed his car?" and then answering it "Asleep. Or at work. Or climbing a tree. God knows. Who's Orlando Bloom again? Wasn't he in Harry Potter?"
Shakespeare once wrote that 'some men are born great, some men achieve greatness and others have greatness thrust upon them except for Orlando Bloom who sort of keeps stumbling into successful movie franchises without really being that great at anything at all apart from pulling a face that makes him look like he's sucking a mint and doing a poo at the same time' although the last bit regularly gets left out these days. Lord Of The Rings may have made Orlando Bloom, and Pirates Of The Caribbean may have consolidated his status, but nothing else he's done – not Elizabethtown or Kingdom Of Heaven or The Calcium Kid – has proved that he can carry a movie on his own yet.
What we're getting at is this – why on Earth do paparazzi still follow Orlando Bloom around? In two years, the most interesting things to have happened to Orlando Bloom have happened when Orlando Bloom was involved in a small financial disagreement with his former management and when he couldn't pay his restaurant bill properly. And that's it. What's the best that the paparazzi could hope for by following Orlando Bloom around? The heart-stopping drama of seeing someone briefly worry that they'd lost their phone before quickly realising that they hadn't lost it at all? The spell-binding terror of watching an oddly underdeveloped human being do up his shoelaces? A car crash?
Well, OK, we'll admit that the car crash bit is true, since that's what happened in an extremely odd incident in Hollywood early on Friday morning. BBC News reports:
Actor Orlando Bloom has escaped unharmed following a car accident. Bloom, 30, told police he was being chased by a paparazzo in Hollywood who suddenly changed lanes and cut him off, officer Ana Aguirre said. Bloom swerved to avoid colliding with the other car but ended up hitting two parked cars, she added. Two of Bloom's passengers were injured and required hospital treatment. Officer Aguirre said no alcohol was involved and Bloom was not speeding. Police said a 30-year-old woman in the front seat had cuts and bruises on her face, while a 35-year-old woman in the back seat fractured her neck.
What's especially odd is that immediately after the crash Orlando Bloom bolted from his car and ran away before being informed, presumably by the paparazzi, that his actions constituted a hit and run. However, Bloom then returned to the scene and spent the night in hospital with the injured 35-year-old, apparently a childhood friend.
Maybe at some point Orlando Bloom will come forward and publicly give his version of events, but until then we'll all be in the dark. However, the crash is said to have piqued the interest of the people producing a new movie about crash test dummies – not because they believe that Orlando Bloom could bring a raw authenticity to the role after his car crash, but because he's wooden and couldn't emote properly if you held a gun to his sodding head.
Read more:
kasi says
hey orlando! i luv soooooo much! that sooo insent fair what TMZ is saying bout u bout the crash! i will always support u!
Kaylee. says
I know this post is two years old but whatever, I’m new here.
I just want to say to Kasi:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You’re funny.
Luv that guy says
Luv that guy
+he used to be hot