They say that money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you speedboats, massive houses and life-sized robot horses that fire lasers out of their eyes, which is kind of the same – so Oprah Winfrey should be the happiest girl in all the world today.
Because, even though she'd rather be remembered for being empathetic towards poor people and saying the word "energised" more than any human being really has the right to, Oprah Winfrey is bloody well loaded. Oprah Winfrey is more loaded than your Mum, Oprah Winfrey is more loaded than that barmaid who you mistakenly believe to have a crush on you, Oprah Winfrey is… look, think of any woman you want. Oprah Winfrey is more loaded than her. According to Forbes magazine, Oprah Winfrey is the richest woman in entertainment. So send your begging letters to her instead of us now please.
Oprah Winfrey, as we all know, is so rich that she can do whatever the hell she wants. If Oprah Winfrey wants to start an entire radio station based around whatever disjointed opinions happen to be bumbling through her mind at any given point in time, she'll do it. If Oprah Winfrey wants to fund a fancy new school for Africans, she'll do it. If Oprah Winfrey wants to give everyone in her studio audience $1,000, she'll do it – but only if they promise not to spend it on themselves. And if Oprah Winfrey wants to go to Tom Cruise's wedding – well, actually she can't do that. Just because Oprah Winfrey is rich, she can't buy herself no Cruise love.
Oprah Winfrey is so rich that people try to extort her, Oprah Winfrey is so rich that she sues people who think she'd make a good President, Oprah Winfrey is just really effing rich, OK? And now, thanks to Forbes' 20 Richest Women In Entertainment list, we know exactly how rich – Oprah Winfrey is apparently worth $1.5 billion. And what's more, thanks to all TV show, her magazine, her radio station and her little-known range of Oprah Winfrey-scented bath pillows, Oprah stands to earn around $225 million a year from now on.
But Oprah Winfrey has some competition – Harry Potter creator and all round skinny hater JK Rowling is screaming up the inside on Oprah's tail. JK Rowling is worth $1 billion, and she's achieved it in much less time than Oprah amassed her fortune. Luckily Oprah Winfrey has a plan to fight back, and all of her 2007 Oprah Book Club choices will all be hastily-written stories about a wizard called Larry Jotter penned by Oprah Winfrey herself. In biro. On the back of a napkin.
Also making the top five Richest Women In Entertainment list were Martha Stewart – who would have been higher were it not for her expensive love of boats made out of pumpkins – with $638 million; Madonna – who spent most of her tour money on building a more reliable child-catching vehicle – with $325 million; and Celine Dion with $250 million, which just depresses us. Here's the full list of the Richest Women In Entertainment according to Forbes:
1 – Oprah Winfrey, $1.5 billion
2 – J.K. Rowling, $1 billion
3 – Martha Stewart, $638 million
4 – Madonna, $325 million
5 – Celine Dion, $250 million
6 – Mariah Carey, $225 million
7 – Janet Jackson, $150 million
8 – Julia Roberts, $140 million
9 – Jennifer Lopez, $110 million
10 – Jennifer Aniston, $110 million
11 – Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, $100 million
12 – Britney Spears, $100 million
13 – Judge Judy Sheindlin, $95 million
14 – Sandra Bullock, $85 million
15 – Cameron Diaz, $75 million
16 – Gisele Bundchen, $70 million
17 – Ellen DeGeneres, $65 million
18 – Nicole Kidman, $60 million
19 – Christina Aguilera, $60 million
20 – Renée Zellweger, $45 million
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Raindrop Tom says
Yeah she’s rich, but I only want her for her body.
Did I say body? I meant MASSIVE FUCKING FORTUNE
squintz says
judge JUDY??? she’s richer than NICOLE KIDMAN? if she’s so loaded, why does she wear a doilly instead of a real collar???
stuffaye says
cos she’s a Jew! (true story, look it up)