Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends are fleeing at an amazing rate – it’s almost as if withered octogenarians aren’t sexy any more, isn’t it.

First Hugh Hefner’s heart was broken by the loss of his number one girlfriend Holly Madison, who made the somewhat perplexing decision to run off with a rubbish emo magician. And now one of his other girlfriends – the equally generic titty model Kendra Wilkinson – has decided to leave Hugh Hefner and get engaged to an American football player as well.

Although Hugh Hefner seems to remain on good terms with Kendra Wilkinson, this news must have nevertheless bruised him quite badly. After all, it’s hardly as if Hugh Hefner lives in a great big house stuffed full of identical booby halfwits all willing to have gruesome, underwhelming sex with a frail 82-year-man just because they’ll probably get a minor role on a crappy reality TV show out of it, is it? Oh.

Hugh Hefner has never wanted for female company. He’s dedicated his entire life to living out a sexually progressive agenda that’s allowed him to have instant quibble-free sex on demand with any number of women who all look so freakishly similar that there’s a strong chance they’ve all been glooped out of a pulsating Alien-style egg tube.

But lately it looks as though the only female company that Hugh Hefner gets is from the women who occasionally visit to wipe his bottom or make sure that he hasn’t been lying at the foot of his stairs meekly calling for help for more than a couple of weeks at a time.

It was only a few weeks ago that Hugh Hefner’s number one girlfriend Holly Madison dumped him, started hanging around with the world’s most easily-ridiculed magician and took to bleating on about how high maintenance Hugh was. And now Hugh Hefner has been dealt another cruel hand.

It turns out that Hugh Hefner’s number three girlfriend, Kendra Wilkinson, has left him too. According to reports, Kendra Wilkinson has decided that, rather than stick around to act out each and every sexual whim of a sleazy old man, she’s going to get married to Philadelphia Eagles receiver Hank Baskett. People reports:

“[She] has met someone who she would like to spend the rest of her life with,” Hefner said in a statement on Thursday. The Playboy mogul says Baskett proposed to Wilkinson on Saturday. I have given her my blessing and will be giving her away at a very special wedding ceremony at the Playboy Mansion this coming June,” the statement adds.

Oh good. At least Hugh Hefner is going to be giving Kendra Wilkinson away. There’s definitely nothing creepy about that.

However, just because he’s lost Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson in short succession, it’s not all bad news. After all, he may have bid farewell to his number one girlfriend and his number three girlfriend, but that still leaves Hugh Hefner with his number two girlfriend Bridget Marquardt, who’s presumably called his number two girlfriend because she lets him stick it up her pooper.

And besides, rumour has it that Hugh Hefner has replaced Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson with 19-year-old twins named Karissa and Kristina Shannon. You see? Hugh Hefner will never be lonely. Thank God for opportunistic moral-free fame-hungry tit models who couldn’t give off more of a gold-digger vibe if they chopped one of their own legs off.