When Hugh Hefner and Holly Madison split up, it darn-near destroyed our belief in relationships between people with a 54-year age gap.
It hasn’t, of course – which is why we’ve still got the horn for Fidel Castro – but it did come close. For the life of us, we couldn’t work out why the pretty young topless model Playmate Holly Madison split up with a wrinkled old almost-dead pensioner like Hugh Hefner.
And now we know. Speaking about the split, Holly Madison has said that she ended things with Hugh Hefner because he was so ‘high maintenance’. And, coming from a woman who looks like she needs six hours each morning to paint herself exactly the right shade of orange transvestite, that must be really saying something.
It’s never hard to split up with someone. Finding the right words can be a struggle. “It’s not you, it’s me” would be perfect if it wasn’t such a cliche. Or there’s “I just need some me time,” except that tends to make you look like the planet’s biggest twat.
There is always “You’re just too high maintenance for me,” though, which is perfect – an equal mix between vague and scathing. Call someone high maintenance and, while they’re busy picking apart their personalities, you can skip away without revealing that you’ve actually been having it off with the girl from your badminton club.
The genius of the high maintenance accusation is paying dividends for Holly Madison. Although she found fame as Hugh Hefner’s number one girlfriend for over a year, Holly Madison recently dumped Hefner and left him heartbroken. Why? That’s right – because Hugh Hefner is apparently high maintenance, as the New York Daily News reports:
Hugh Hefner’s former No. 1 girlfriend is excited about her future dating prospects – just as long as they’re not like her famous ex. “It might be refreshing to date someone who is not high maintenance,” Holly Madison told “Extra” in an interview set to air on Wednesday. “Sorry, Hef … I love you, but you know you’re high maintenance.”
But what does Holly Madison actually mean when she says that Hugh Hefner is high maintenance? We’ve rattled Holly’s statement through the Hecklerspray Truth Computer, and here are the options it threw up:
1 – Holly Madison would like a boyfriend who doesn’t need to have his food cut up into little chunks before he can eat it and, ideally, is able to wipe his own bottom.
2 – Holly Madison would like a boyfriend who is able to get an erection without pharmaceutical assistance, three hours of manual coercing, a winch and the song We’ll Meet Again by Vera Lynn played on a loop.
3 – Holly Madison would like an elderly millionaire boyfriend who’s at least willing to pretend that he knows why she’s with him and is prepared to write her into his will accordingly.
But regardless of the reason behind the split, we hope that all this new freedom has made Holly Madison happy, and that she’ll soon be able to settle down with someone less high maintenance. Someone like her current squeeze Criss Angel, even though he looks like exactly the sort of man who’d get into a fistfight with you if you used his hair straighteners without permission.
Julian Mentat says
Mr. Hefner has already replaced his lost girlfriends with 19-year-old twins. TWINS! Have you ever had sex with identical twins? It’s all
“Excuse me, sorry, but what things have I already done to which one of you?”
Sooner you than me, Hef!
Lisa says
k first off i watched the girls of the playboy mansion on E! and i love it, i love all 3 of the girls mind you kendras laugh i dont like too much but other than that shes seems sound and mental which i always think is good craic!
k let me get started on hef…he seems like a nice old man but SERIOUSLY wen hes out with them girls it looks like 3 granddaughters bringin grandpa out for the day…and the thing that sickens me is all 3 of them prob more than likely sleep with him and then holly wanted to go and ”settle down” and there he is having 2 other girlfriends! how holly stuck with him for 7yrs is beyond me she seems like a nice girl but ew really…82 im suprised he didnt croke on an overdose of viagra or near die during intercourse.
anyway my point being i like the girls but hef i have my opinions about!
and as for them NEW GIRLS the twins and the other one thats his new trio of girlfriends please..it just makes it obvious that hes a senial old man at this stage and these girls are hoppin on his money train before he kicks the bucket and the twins utterly disgust me first off there sisters sleeping with the same man and probly at the same time and how old are they? 19 20 etc i doubt there parents aprove and how would they even look at each other after sex with the same man at the same god damn time??!
now i get that im starting to sound like a prude and trust me im far from it i can have a laugh better than the next person but what is up with these girls is all il say! Not for all the oil in dubai would i lay a finger on that man!
eek!
slan<-(means goodbye)from ireland :)
Ingrid says
Look, they all were with him for what they could get and he was with
them for what he could get. They got plenty…more than he got….trips to Europe, Vegas, cars, clothes, cash…they were expensive pieces of
ass.
Many guys reading this maybe haven’t been with a hot girl in 25 years
and wish they could….American women feel they are too good to be
with an ordinary guy….that’s why they are not sought after by men
in Europe, Canada or anywhere else. The are stuck with them.