Can anyone else vaguely recall the time when David Beckham was famous for kicking a piece of leather around a pitch for 90 minutes instead of poncing around wearing ridiculous outfits and scratching his golden balls on hotel balconies?
No, neither can we. Quite frankly David Beckham's become bigger then the beautiful game. However we suspect this has something to do with his stick-thin celery-chomping wife Victoria, who so obviously wants to be the most famous person in the whole wide world. After launching overpriced jeans and perfume lines, Victoria Beckham has also had her own reality TV show commissioned that will apparently show the Beckhams adapting to the uber-cool LA lifestyle. Now it seems that David Beckham has decided he wants a slice of reality TV action by staring in his own programme too. We literally flinched with excitement.
It’s been no major secret that David Beckham has failed to achieve his potential following his move from Manchester United to Real Madrid. Even David Beckham’s amazing curling free kicks have more frequently hit row Z then the bottom corner of some Spaniard's net. But it hasn’t been all bad news; Real Madrid did win La Liga this year in one of the most heated battles for years. The winners were not decided until the final day, which is more then can often be said for the Premiership.
Sadly, David has had to wave bye-bye to the Spanish lifestyle where he couldn’t really speak the language and was quite frankly getting past it. Now he has moved over to Los Angeles where he will play for LA Galaxy. This moved cost just a little bit of money and saw Victoria crowbar her way into the celebrity circuit by having billons of lunches with Katie Holmes who is married to Germany’s latest enemy, Tom Cruise.
Of course nobody really gives two shits about Victoria Beckham. Spice Girls reunion aside, Victoria Beckham is really nothing more than a pair of ridiculous fake tits and a posh wardrobe. However, that hasn't stopped some bewilderingly inept TV producer from giving Victoria Beckham her own TV show. You know, the one where she's chased around by some pigs a lot.
But now David Beckham wants to be a TV star too, and so he's set to star in his own show where he will talk about being a footballer. The Sun reports:
The show on Five — David Beckham’s Soccer USA — will feature action from the US league, like Match of the Day. Becks, 32, will comment on his performances. The series is also to be shown in the States. Producer Bob Massie said: “David’s arrival has taken US Major League Soccer on to an international footing. “Until now there was no way a global audience could easily access the action. David’s show will do exactly that.”
Great, a footballer rubbing it in that he earns more in a week then we will in a decade. Oh well, you might as well get used to the following bits of dialogue that will no doubt crop up in his video diary: “I scored a good goal today,” “I feel over and hurt my knee,” and “I just bought a new coat for the bargain price of £200,000.”
Forgive us while we dunk our heads in a boiling vat of oil.
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