You have to admit that it takes a special kind of person to get loaded up on pot and Vicodin and drive the wrong way up the motorway before claiming that you were following your invisible friends, but Nicole Richie sure is special.
As if Nicole Richie's spectacular arrest earlier in the week on suspicion of being a complete effing plank wasn't bad enough, it now looks as if her troubles are about to worsen. Thanks to a previous drink driving arrest four years ago – and another arrest for possession of heroin six months later – it looks very much like Nicole Richie will be hit with a mandatory jail sentence. If that's the case, the producers of The Simple Life had better get their heads together and dream up an amusing violin sound effect for when Nicole Richie gets shivved in the thigh by an obese female arsonist in the canteen line.
Whatever you think about Nicole Richie, you have to admire your professionalism. For a while we just thought that The Simple Life was all an act – that Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton deliberately fouled up their various TV tasks purely in the name of entertainment – but Nicole Richie is showing that while she's bad at loading luggage onto a plane onscreen, she's equally hopeless at doing things offscreen too; like eating food or wearing nice clothes or hitting on boys that aren't 11.
That now also stretches to driving cars, after Nicole's drug-taking, wrong-way-driving arrest earlier in the week. Perhaps, we thought, this was a new Simple Life stunt – first Paris Hilton gets arrested for drink-driving, then Nicole Richie tops that by driving into oncoming traffic while loaded up on drugs, then Paris Hilton tops that again by trying to fly a burning airship full of a thousand screaming dignitaries through a sewer that's been flooded with a mixture of petrol, pig's blood and industrial vats of smegma at three billion miles an hour – but no, it just turns out that Nicole Richie is just really shit at driving cars.
After admitting to smoking marijuana, taking Vicodin and driving the wrong way up a motorway, Nicole Richie was bailed for $15,000 earlier in the week, but Nicole's problems don't end there – thanks to previous arrests for similar things in 2002, Nicole Richie could end up with a mandatory jail sentence, as E! Online reports:
According to a police report on the prior incident obtained by tmz.com, Richie was observed cruising through a red light on Sunset Boulevard in a white Toyota Corolla (her ride of choice before fame came knocking), then driving over a speed bump at 50 mph. In two separate Breathalyser tests, she blew a 0.12 and a 0.13 – well over the legal limit of 0.08. She was sentenced to three year's probation and had her license suspended for one year, according to the court documents. She also agreed to submit to any chemical or breath tests stemming from future incidents. Six months later, she was arrested again for possession of heroin and for driving with a suspended license. Following that arrest, she served a stint in rehab.
Now, Californian law states that anyone twice convicted for drink-driving will be automatically thrown in prison for five days and lose their driving license for a year. No charges have been made against Nicole Richie yet, but if they are her court hearing will take place in February, and she can expect an 18-month alcohol education program on top of that lot, too.
You know, it's Lionel Richie we feel sorry for. Lionel Richie has been known to excessively panic when Nicole just gets a bit skinny, so god knows what he must be going through now. In fact, it's probably time for Lionel to pen a follow-up tune to Ballerina Girl, the song he originally wrote for Nicole Richie. And if he's stuck, we've got a title for him: You're Driving The Wrong Way Up A Fucking Motorway You Drug-Filled Skinny Twat.
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