Ask anyone which band they'd most like to see reunite and they'll probably say The Beatles – but if you drug their water or concuss them a bit there's a chance they'd say New Kids On The Block.
And if that's the case then their dreams have been answered, because New Kids On The Block are back!
After a few months of sly non-commitment, New Kids On The Block are expected to officially announce their reunion on Friday's Today show. And, as an appetite-whetter, New Kids On The Block have released the first group photo of the reunion. At least that's what we think it is – it could just be a page ripped out of Middle-Aged Weekend Father At A Court Appearance magazine that someone published as a belated April Fool joke. Who knows?
What with war and recession and global warming and Jessica Simpson's stinky piss, the world needs cheering up. And there's no group of people more likely to do that than New Kids On The Block. Not because New Kids On The Block are cool or good or anything, but because it will make the entire world briefly come together in a universal sense of brotherhood and think "Whew! It doesn't matter how bad things get for me, because at least I'm not in New Kids On The Block."
Quiet murmurings of a New Kids On The Block reunion started in January, quickly followed by a snatch of a new song. But then everything suddenly went quiet. We'll admit that part of us hoped that the New Kids On The Block reunion had come to a premature end, possibly because they all started punching each other until one was dead and the others had dislocated jaws. But more fool us, because New Kids On The Block are definitely back and raring to go.
All of them – Mark Wahlberg's Brother, Captain Dungaree, New Geek On The Block, Frankenstein and Generic Other are all set for their big comeback. And that's a comeback that starts on Friday's Today show, where the group will make their first joint televised appearance in an age – to announce a new album and tour to mark the 20-year anniversary of Hangin' Tough.
But Friday is, like, so long away! We want to see a decade of failure etched across their old faces now. Lucky, then, that Yahoo has published the first group photo of New Kids On The Block since before all of them had pubes, or something. And from the sight of it, you'd think that they've all spent the last 14 years hanging out in Marks And Spencer trying to land a job as a catalogue model instead of appearing on British reality TV shows with the skinny one from Little And Large.
What hints about the reunited New Kids On The Block can we glean from this new photo? Well, all five of them are wearing suits instead of ridiculous bandanas and nasty Michael Jackson-style leather jackets, so that probably means that they want to be taken seriously as mature singer-songwriters this time around. Plus four of them have their hands in their pockets, so it looks as if one of them may have become a pickpocket in the years since the band split up.
What else? Nothing. That's literally it. For other clues, we'll all have to watch New Kids On The Block on Friday's Today show. But we've heard one of them now has a voice like Estelle Getty from The Golden Girls and at least two of the others loudly whistle every time they try to pronounce a word with an 's' in it thanks to their ill-fitting dentures.
Read more:
New Kids On The Block release first group photo in 15 years – Yahoo
gir says
So you’re apparently not going to put the photo up? It seems like an awful lot of effort to expend, to click on that link, just to see a photo of washed-up has-been manufactured pop stars fifteen years on.
Stuart Heritage says
For you, Gir, anything.
gir says
hahahaha
That looks like the worst GQ shoot ever.
gir says
Barry Pepper? Roberto Benigni? David Beckham? Ron Livingston? Douchebag in a shiny shirt #5?
Talk about your all-star lineups.
elfin says
You obviously don’t realise that they are still all in their 30’s, and looking quite fine for it.
How old are you, 13? Put the jealousy away, it’s boring already.
mst3kster says
And I thought the Village People looked gay.
Jennifer says
That was the LONGEST post dedicated to this reunion– even compared to actual fans. You must be quite enamored by this to ramble on for 8 paragraphs!
You’re carrying on about them is quite tired. Pick something else. I’m beginning to think you’re just trying to get the fans over here for some web hits.
Effoff says
oooh what the matter haters? too sad, bored or jealous in your pathetic little lives that you have to spew crap about a bunch of better looking millionaires who have tons of fans that love them? your lives must suck that you must spend a tiny shred of time tryin’ to hate them. go and find some trash on britney or something.
scarlet says
welcome back nkotb!! NKOTB RULES…
ools says
Wohooo, thx for posting this loverly pic…
Please fans, take no offense bout this article, apparently this man is jst pissed he’s not as good looking or was as good looking in his 30s as the guys are now. Heeheee…
U done a good job on making a complete fool outta urself!!!
IronEddie says
This article made me laugh. Really.
Aside from all this, I find them one of the very few tolerable boy bands and they still look good enough for teeny-boppers to pass out.
Back in 1989-1990, you couldn’t end a day without them being on TV.
sue says
Your calling them old? They are only in their 30’s! They have their whole lives ahead of them and were brilliant doing a comeback. They were and I’m sure still are an amazing talent! IT’s ok, I’m sure they are used to other men constantly hating on them because every woman in the world would jump at the chance to be with any of them. They are gorgeous! I ove NKOTB
Christina says
Wow, all the instense notes from both sides are too funny. you must have a “pathetic little life”, you must have an interest in them for writing about them for “8 paragraphs” “these guys are gay” “this man is just pissed”. It’s just a band people, a boy band, who made a little joy come to some teenage girls lives. If you don’t like them, then stop wasting your time on them, let the fans enjoy them. Very silly. Everyone has their opinion and will state it though, so both sides just need to relax and respect each other’s views. Go have a glass of wine for heavens sake! And put on hangin tough if you are a fan, throw on the Beatles if you are not. Cheers
gir says
ahahaha new kids fans
If there was ever a dumber group of uncritical minds than metalheads, it would be new kids fans.
Still, got quite the lineup of comment cliches here; jealous, need search engine hits, make fun of somebody else (in this case Britney Spears), can’t read, jealous. Just need a lengthy incoherent screed full of logical fallacies and misspellings of elementary vocabulary words and that’ll be the set.
Gigababy says
More like Old Men In The House
http://gigababy.blogspot.com/2008/04/i-told-you-it-was-true-omith.html
Toaster Pop Tart says
I spat on my monitor when I read the pickpocket bit. That was funny.
They don’t look at ALL musically motivated to do anything other than collect a check. Marky’s an actor but he strikes me as being a super cool guy. Perhaps he’s agreed to get back together with them for the others’ sakes? If so, he’d be stand-up all th’way, right?
They look so flucking bored, it’s amazing. LOL The “photographer” needs a beating.
JK4EVA says
YET ANOTHER HATER! HAHA WHAT’S NEW! A HATER BUT YET THEY STILL TOOK THE TIME TO BAG ON NKOTB! FUNNY ISN’T IT…ANYWAYS…WE’RE ALL HAPPY THAT THEY’RE BACK AND THEY LOOK GREAT! FOR SOMEONE WHO HATES OR DISLIKES THEM…YOU SURE DID OVER ANALYZED THEIR PROMOTIONAL PICTURE. JUS CRACKS ME UP!
ON ANOTHER NOTE….
WE LOVE YOU NKOTB! JK 4 EVA! PLEASE MAKE SURE TO VISIT THE BAY AREA! WE’LL GET YA’LLZ HYPHY!
Stabby McGee says
Toaster Pop Tart: it’s Marky Mark’s Funky brother in NKOTB, not the man himself.
gir says
Well it’s not that lengthy but it sure is unreadable.
euclid says
Stupidity knows no bounds.
I’m sure glad they all look so great, an important
quality for ‘musical’ talent. Why not just rename the group
Shitty Middle-Aged Masturbation Fantasy? or KNOBS
Kids? No, Only Bankroll Stunt.
Does the CD come with a vibrator, or
is that extra?
Gilbert Wham says
I dunno, can you do a screed in ALL CAPS? I would like a more convoluted, rambling page of gibberish in lower case, plz.
Len says
OMG – glad they’re getting back together. I just wish folks would realise that we’re not all into the same music. After all, it would be pretty boring if we were all miserable feckers like you guys who are whining. get over it already!!!!! BTW – they look GREAT for being in their 30’s!!
gir says
You’re right, we’re not all into the same music. You, for example, seem to enjoy shallow, overhyped garbage with all the emotional depth of a tube of toothpaste and the artistic credibility of Sonic the Hedgehog fan art.
BTW–I’ll lay 10 that they still sound like 5 studio-enhanced twerps handpicked by Lou Pearlman for their appeal to preteen girls, who are, as everyone knows, the toughest-to-please music critics around.
euclid says
Lem – when the Bookmobile comes around next time,
try looking up. I know the hubcaps are shiny; it’s difficult.
What do you mean “it would be pretty boring” like it’s some kind of
hypothetical thesis? It IS boring. The old New Kids are charting previously
unexplored dimensions of boring. The only thing that makes them or this
even vaguely worth a thought is this: How is it possible for large groups of
people to be interested in the blandest, most hollow, vapid, homogenous (and I
use that word advisedly) set of sounds ever set to disc, not just once when
you were too young to know better, but NOW when your neo-cortex should have
firmed up a bit?
Oh, that’s right. They’re pretty. How sweet. Cows have more sense. And better taste in “music”. Enjoy! Mooooo! Watch your step, that might be shoe-polish.
RIVERA says
Check out Nasri’s Myspace to see the man behind the music. He wrote most of there new songs and will be coming out as an artist with a bang when NKOTB become the biggest thing again. Search “Click Click Click” on YouTube to find out the truth about the new song on the NKOTB website.
check him out myspace/nasriworld.com
Check his hit song “Not the Same”
Rido says
Let’s face it…”hangin tough” remains one of the worst songs of all time.
See ALL the reasons why…
http://www.blender.com/guide/articles.aspx?id=786&src=tstbws
#46 to be exact
Damien says
Let’s face it. at the end of the day, it only music. i’m so sick of all these so called “Experts” trying to stuff down our throats what’s “Real” music. it’s all real. Music’s only job is to entertain. That said, i’m glad to see these guys are back can’t wait to hear the new sound.
new kid on the block says
joey is as old as me
new kid on the block says
i love u jon hes hot
Ron Livingston fan says
Yeah, it really is an all-star line-up. You’re just jealous because you’re not them. Ron Livingston is under-rated. He’s an amazing actor. Why do you have to bash people you don’t even know? I bet if you were given the chance to meet them, you wouldn’t pass it up. And I’m sure you’d say they’re all great. Oh well, it’s your loss that you don’t like them.
Buzzy says
I am male, 34 yo. I am straight :)
I don’t care what you write or say, but for me it is the right of NKOTB to reunite or making their new album.
for me they are still greatest entertainer in the world.
don’t be too cynical will ya. just enjoy it.