Some of you may have laughed off the imminent New Kids On The Block reunion as a casual threat invented by someone who clearly hates mankind.
But that's where you'd be wrong. The New Kids on The Block reunion is happening. The group couldn't be more serious about it happening. They're so serious that there's a brand new song on the New Kids On The Block website.
And you know what? The new New Kids On The Block song is actually really goo… no, we're just kidding. It's crap.
If any of you see Take That out and about on the street, be sure to poke them in the eye quite hard, won't you. Because ever since Take That reformed to vague success, every bugger's been at it, from the Spice Girls to Indiana Jones to Rambo.
And now New Kids On The Block have reformed as well, all the different reunions have been mashed together in our minds to the point where we have a recurring dream about New Kids On The Block wandering through the Burmese jungle and having their throats torn out by Rambo.
It's not a bad dream, just a recurring one.
Anyway, ever since the various members of New Kids On The Block – Mark Wahlberg's Brother, Jordan Whatshisname, Joey Thing and The Other Two – announced their reunion, it's been impossible to take it seriously, not least because we clearly remember a shambolic, drunk-looking New Kids On The Block in their last throes of fame on Live & Kicking in 1994.
But despite that – and despite a confusing denial of the reunion on New Kid Danny Wood's MySpace page – a brand-new New Kids On The Block song has appeared on the band's website. According to People:
The song (its name isn't revealed) plays over a promotional video for the band that says the Kids once had it all – a $1 billion in album sales, millions of fans, with music that "influenced a generation" – but then "walked away from it all." The video next teases the comeback, asking: "Are you ready?"
Again, no. We're not ready. We'll have sandpapered off our skin and thrown ourselves into an acid bath before we're ready to watch a gang of men on the cusp of turning 40 dancing around in oversized dungarees singing cack-handed Paula Abdul rip-offs.
But anyway, the new New Kids On The Block song. Word is that all five bandmembers (Newies? Kiddies? Blockies? It's been so long) recorded the song in Florida in November.
We could go on and on about how the untitled New Kids On The Block song sounds like what Simon Cowell would force the winner of X Factor to sing if he wanted to write X Factor off as a bloody great tax loss, but we won't. And that's because you can hear the new New Kids On The Block song by clicking the link below.
Read more:
Angela says
Go New Kids. Your site sucks cause a reunion is a fantastic idea!
Kelley says
Oh, shut up Stuart. I don’t think anyone is too worried about what a middle aged man thinks about this topic. I don’t think their music has ever been aimed at your demographic. You suck.
gir says
New Kids on the Block reunion fans? Now I’ve seen everything. Yet more proof that hindsight may be 20/20, but nostalgia is blind as a bat.
Amy says
So, if you dislike them so much, why do you keep writing about them……..hmmmmmmmm??? Closet fan perhaps???? Keep writing about them………good exposure for them!!!
euclid says
Kelley raises an interesting point.
What is the target demographic for
a 15 year old act geared toward
12 year-olds who would now be 27
and unless 1) related or 2) severally retarded
(oops! I mean mentally crippled)
able to see that it’s all crap. Hmmm. Nostalgic
X-addled Moms? Anyone old enough
to know who they are/were is too old to
actually pay money for their shit, except
in a desperate attempt to feel for one fleeting moment
that their long lost youth is not entirely gone.
Ah! There it is. Enjoy.
Kelley says
Yes, interesting point. I’m 24. And I’m not a mom. God, where has my youth gone? I’m already anticipating the ‘witty’ remarks you’re trying to think up in your head…’severely retarded’…I’m not sure if you can top that one. Yet another lame person trying to suck the fun out of anything not pertaining to them. I’m sorry you’re feeling left out, but that’s no reason to get your balls in a knot. So, ah, there YOU have it. Enjoy!
Mariah says
Hey, you don’t like ’em? Don’t listen to them, don’t go to the show. All the more space for those who appreciate NKOTB as entertainers. I’m sorry they are not creaters of whatever high art you think you deserve, but their impact on many people’s lives is not diminished because of your snotty comments.
But thank you for bringing more attention to it. More peopel will see it and another fan will remember what they once meant to them and be happy. Serves you right for such irony.
Cricket says
Dude, whatever…you are obviously a closet fan otherwise you wouldn’t be all over their nuts and website listening to their new music. COME ON OUT THAT CLOSET BB, we’ll protect you from your immature little friends whom you’re trying to impress with macho bravado and bashing of a band who have done nothing wrong….their music is fun and girls want to hug and kiss them, big fucking deal..seriously, get a life and get over it.
gir says
Wow, really? People still feel this strongly about a boy band whose most memorable characteristic was that one of the guys was related to that rapper guy who is an actor now?
Julie says
Oh, I get it! You’re a Mark Wahlberg fan! You should have just said so! Well, I think it’s sweet.
Cricket says
gir sure knows a lot about NKOTB. gir(l) YOU AS MUCH AS ANYONE FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT NKOTB….you are the only one who has posted here TWICE (before I came back to give you a verbal cyber spanky) about the subject, so what does that say about you? It says you are passionate about NKOTB. That’s one thing about our NKOTB, I don’t care if you love or loathe them, but you’re passionate about them…either way, you feel strongly about them.
If they aren’t so “memorable” (which you have proven you truly feel otherwise) and you don’t feel strongly about them (which you have also proved otherwise) then you would feel indifferent and would STFD AND STFU. And until you do that bb, YOU CARE and feel strongly about NKOTB.
Get ta steppin’!
fan says
I am so excited about this reunion, whatever form it takes. Everyone has a right to an opinion. For the fans, it is going to be good fun. I’m looking forward to it.
gir says
T Crckt–
awisiiabwomtd. mysrphuyfowhsad. ga.
gir says
hahah i just saw that “verbal cyber spanky” haha wow.
euclid says
Crikey, er Cricket –
If someone is fascinated by the sight of a car wreck
and is trying to figure what happened and why does
that make them passionate about car wrecks? Or curious?
Kelley –
Please forgiving me for having fun instead of purchasing it.
My bad. I propose a quid pro quo: I’ll get a life the day
you get a sense of humor. Until then, enjoy the show!
Crystal says
euclid,
So gir is fascinated by a NKOTB reunion…is that what’s you’re trying to say? Does that help him to sleep better at night to call it a fascination instead of being passionate about it?
LMAO, ok, whatevs. CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT, either way, it’s lame to the nth degree.
Someone trying to figure out what happened in a car wreck doesn’t obsessively post about it on a website or try to mock those who were involved in the accident….and if they do, yeah, they’re passionate about it….not just curious. Curious is seeing it, checking it out and moving on. And that’s plainly not what’s going on here with gir(l).
NKOTB have always been able to bring it in the passion department. Jealous boys just don’t know what to do with it.
AND IT MAKES ME SMILE, hahahhaaa.
*loves it*
Crystal says
euclid,
I have a great sense of humor. Ha-ha about comparing fans of a pop band to a retarded person.
And just how autistic are you to be here posting over and over again about a band you don’t even like? Don’t you have a rubber room you need to be in? Ask your mommy to do a better job at wiping that spittle from your face, it’s not attractive.
gir says
OH MY GOD YOU TOTALLY ADDED AN L IN PARENTHESES LIKE I’M A GIRL HOLY SHIT THAT WAS OVER THE TOP AND SO TOTALLY TASTELESS LIKE I DON’T EVEN KNOW I’M SO INSULTED AND OFFENDED AND WOW JUST WOW
The Joker says
Euclid said it all, apart from perhaps a dose of cynicism about a ‘musical group’ put together in the same way (and by the same people) who sell sugared breakfast cereals (and to the same target audience).
But hey, if that floats your boat, enoy the show!
gir says
Also I’m always fascinated about how people attach their egos to whatever shitty band or movie star or sports team or WHATEVER they like and then when criticism, which is especially warranted in this case, is leveled at the object of their affection, they react with such vitriol. Like maybe New Kids on the Block are closely monitoring this developing hecklerspray situation and thanks to Crystal’s selfless and eloquent defense with such clever strategies as adding letters to words they’ll take her on tour with them.
Or maybe ascribing motives that are unsupported by evidence is the new strawman fallacy and winning arguments against your imaginary foes is how New Kids on the Block fans have been passing the time in the intervening years.
Whatever the case, I’m sure that it’s much more like NEW KIDS ON THE SCHLOCK!!! OHHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHH OOH DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE HELL YEAH GIMME A HIGH FIVE WOOOOOOOO
euclid says
K,C,C,etc.
First of all, ‘kids’ are baby goats. So I suppose if I look at it
from that angle, the 40-year-old “New Kids” makes more sense.
Second, Asperger’s and autism are totally different,
so you need to brush up on your DSM.
Third, I have been writing without a drool bib
for many months now because the runoff made
my fingers keep slipping off the keys.
Fourth, the fascination of a car wreck might well be
not in the event, but in studying the crowd around the event.
Fifth, H-spray is a perfect place to mock idolatry
and to mock mock idols. So pardon, do please, while I run amok
mocking mock macdaddy horsehit.
etc.
UKer says
I’m another one that is sooooo excited about this, I’m not a TT, or Spice girls fan, but I WAS an NKOTB fan, and sooo can not wait to see what they have in store for us this year. Out of all the places I have read about this happening, this is actually the first negative thing I’ve read. There is gonna be some people that are gonna hate, they had nearly as many hatters back in the day as fans, but the success the guys had worldwide speaks for itself nobody can take that away from them.
barbara says
I am soo happy for the new kids come back! i can’t wait to see them in action.
i ‘ve always been a big fan and i am not going to take that crap that people say about them.personally i never liked take that or spice girls.new kids rock again and always will.why british people don’t like them? too big to handle their success?let’s wait and see.
Jackie says
Just another uy that women never swooned over, feeling a little jealous!!
I cannot wait for the comeback!!
I love how all the men are, “they were lame”. Yet they have a basement full of GI Joes and star wars collectibles!! LOL
Well listen up, and listen good….These guys are our Stars wars figures…So watch your girl, she’s headed for her tickets now…lol
Kiddie says
Funny article!
Love the kids but also respect the dis-likers ;-)
Just remenber one thing: “…if they try to keep uns down we´re gonna come right back”
And that´s exactily what you will get :-))))))))))))))))))))
Amy says
I think it’s great NKOTB is getting back together! I cannot wait! Poke fun all you want, but they made over a billion dollars in sales. Sure we were young kids, but we are all grown up, hot as hell women now, and we still love them! Jealous? I think you are!
euclid says
Why would anyone be jealous of your fantasy relationship with
a group of robots? Is it possible there is some other explanation?
Here’s a contender: Indulging your ‘taste’ in ‘music’ comes at the necessary
expense of other more interesting acts that we will never get to see
because these and a few other poorly programmed robots have usurped
the airwaves. For those with an interest in something other than stultifying homogeneity
your aerobic robot fantasies effectively eliminate anything interesting from the public sphere.
The result? I get to be tortured by your bad taste in the super market, at the dentist’s office (as if there wasn’t already enough pain in that) and in virtually every public venue trying to boost sales by blocking all thought, which NKOTB do quite well. How frequently have you had my musical tastes imposed on you? Likely, rarely if ever.
So that’s my gripe, but if you want to attribute it to jealousy, go right ahead.
“It’s your world, I just live in it.”
Kelley says
Wow. That’s a very well thought out argument you have there. Some of it amusing, some of it a tad insulting to fans. Who cares? You don’t like them – great. This debate has gone just a bit too far. Is it really that big of a deal? Does everything have to be so damn serious in order for it to mean something to someone? I guess so. I could care less whether you like Billy Ray Cyrus or The Beatles or some unknown, obscure act. I didn’t realize that someone elses petty interests could elicit such feelings from another human being or that all songs should evoke a drawn out and tedious thought process. So please, accept my apology for our musical impositions and for making your stay on earth somewhat dissatisfying. I can honestly say that we never meant to offend your significant musical taste. I now know that all cynicism in the world has been a product of the NKOTB. I bet those damn Jackson 5 kids and Nsync had something to do with it too. The bastards. Please inform us in your next post of your very important opinion so that maybe next time, we will know what is appropriate to listen to, and what is not. We eagerly await your return, oh, Knowledgable One.
Amanda says
Well, we knew the “haters” would come out of the woodwork once the reunion whispers began. It’s a shame that someone always has to lay their acidic and completely biased opinons on someone else’s joy.
I’m a 28 year old, happily married, gainfully employed, proud mother of three and I would leap at the chance to attend a NKTOB reunion concert. It would be a dream come true and a fun way to relive the joys of youth.
And it’s not just about the “glory days.” It’s about seeing a band we all loved once more and witnessing how they’ve each gone on to develope their individual styles and talents. Almost like taking a look at where we were and where we are now. It’s nice.
Stacy says
I sure am getting a laugh at all the idiots out there who claim to hate the nkotb but seem to spend lots of time on them. Making all these stupid comments about them, if u don’t like em then fine, but if you don’t, then stop putting so much time and effort towards them. Y overextend yourself for people you HATE o so much…??There has always been haters out there, but so what, the new kids or their fans don’t need u or ur approval. But hey, if you wanna keep talking about em, then thats ur perogative, thanx for the exposure and promotion!!!! Like it or not, the new kids are back, and they still have millions of fans out here, like me, so I say YAY, new kids ur fans have been waiting for this, we love u and will support u forever.. Oh yeah almost forgot to mention this pulitzer prize winning article and its writer… O ur the BEST!!! Keep writing about the new kids, it seems to please u… glad u “pleasure ur self” so well…(???LOL, thats ok, they turn us on 2)… whatevers in print, good or bad keeps us fans and “haters” talking, therefore fueling the new kids fire….. so thanks again for the support for the group you “claim” 2 hate.
Lisa says
Anyone talking negative about them is a jealous a$$ because all the girls loved them! Gir-your the biggest a$$, ofcourse we know the NKOTB aren’t going to read this and take us on tour, some people just like to stand up for what they believe in and others like to make fun of people for it because they are boring and don’t believe in anything!
P.S. If you didn’t wish you were on Jordan Knights Shlock you wouldn’t have opened this article in the first place. Besides you idiot, what’s a shlock? Were you mistakening it for the word shlong??
Billy says
Hmmm…sounds like sour grapes. How much does a wanna be has been writer earn in their lifetime? Probably not even half as much as a New Kid would earn in half a day. And don’t get me started on the amount of hot chicks that they could get at the drop of a hat . . . Get over your jealousy, you closet homo and stop spreading such negative crap.
NKOTB might not have been a ‘music snobs’ idea of divine music but hey, they never pretended to be. All they wanted to do was to entertain and show positivity through their music. I’m sorry that they weren’t into heavy drugs & alcohol like the “cool bands” but at least they encouraged kids to get an education and say no to drugs & peer pressure.
I’m a 30yr old fan of NKOTB from way back…and shock, horror- I’m MALE. I’m as straight as they come, I get my fair share of p*ssy and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ll always be an NKOTB fan. Haters back in my youth used to try to give me cr@p for being a fan and in return they got broken noses and smashed faces for their trouble.
Karin says
This site sucks. The only reason I even know about it is because I was searching for New Kids videos. Ugh!
Karin says
F**** YEAH!! THEY ARE COMING BACK!!!! WOOHOOOOO!
WHINE ABOUT IT ALL YOU WANT, BUT PRETTY SOON, THEY WILL BE ALL OVER YOUR RADIO, B*TCHES!
Crissy says
If I commnuiceatd I could thank you enough for this, I’d be lying.