Although Robbie Williams won’t be joining the comeback tour, the rest of Take That – Gary Barlow, Mark Owen, Jason Orange and Howard Donald, all now fatter and craggier than a giant fossil of Lisa Riley – have been persuaded to reunite for the first time in 10 years.
It’s completely inevitable that Take That (CDs) were going to reform – all
the signs were there: the Christmas cash-in Best Of album, the
history-rewriting documentary that failed to mention that the majority of Take That
fans were all socially inept schoolgirls (except you, of course), the
heavily-publicised reunion photoshoot, the painfully awkward Children
In Need telephone-manning stint.
So when it was reported yesterday that Take That had a special
announcement to make, everyone knew that a reunion was on the cards –
Jason Orange was hardly going to reveal he’d discovered a cure for
cancer now, was he?
There’s a very obvious reason for Barlow, Owen, Orange and Donald wanting to reform Take That at the moment:
Cash! More cash that you could ever imagine! Cash cash cash!!
They’re still artistically relevant and want to give something back to
their fans. Or something. That they’ve each reportedly been offered
£1.5 million to hit the road had nothing to do with it. Ahem.
Take That are promising that their comeback gigs will be just as
exciting as they were in their heyday, although we’re hoping that they
won’t be covering Smells Like Teen Spirit like they used to. A
"Take that are excited to be able
to get back on stage and thank the fans who have remained loyal since
their split in 1996. many will remember the explosive and creative live
shows that Take That put on during their career, with outlandish
costumes pyrotechnics and perfectly choreographed dance routines. The
2006 tour promises to be no different, and will serve as a fitting
tribute to their overwhelming success, and stature as Britain’s
Britain’s ultimate boyband? Hang on, what about Northern Line?
And if all this Take That comeback talk isn’t bed-shittingly
exciting enough for you, it’s rumoured that Lulu will join the boys
onstage each night to croak her way through the four seconds of Relight
My Fire that she appeared on. Well, it’s not as if she has much to do
these days apart from margarine adverts.
Poor Robbie Williams must feel really left out by today’s
announcement. Or at least he would if he hadn’t just been included in
the Guinness Book Of Records for selling 1.6 million concert tickets in
a single day.
If you’re interested in seeing Take That live, firstly – shame on you, and secondly, here are the tour dates:
April 24 – Metro Radio Arena, Newcastle
April 27 & 28 – NEC, Birmingham
April 30 – SECC, Glasgow
May 2 – FM Arena, Sheffield Hallam
May 5 & 6 – MEN Arena, Manchester
May 8 & 9 – Wembley Arena, London
May 12 – The Point, Dublin
May 14 – Odyssey, Belfast
[story by Stuart Heritage]