Can you guess who the latest former phenomenal musical success is that needs to stage a comeback because they’re out of money? Well, unless you’re a complete tool you don’t have to guess because it says it right there in the title of this entry, genius.
Yes, New Kids on the Block are rumoured to be coming back. That’s right; your favourite five heartthrobs – Jordan, Joey, Jonathon, Donnie and Donny – will be back in the flesh!
Although, it’ll probably be more wrinkly, slightly saggy, muscle-tone free flesh this time around.
New Kids on the Block, or as they’re also known by the convenient acronym NKOTB (it just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?), have sent 30-year-old women all over the world searching for their Hangin’ Tough cassette singles since a recent posting on the band’s website which suggests a forthcoming reunion. No exact date listed for the comeback, but we’re sure it’ll be nicely timed with the coming of the Apocalypse.
The band. comprised of Jordan Knight, Joey McIntyre, Donnie Wahlberg, Jonathan Knight and Danny Wood, made their record debut in 1986, as pre-teen girls screamed and threw tear-soaked training bras at them during concerts. Since the group disbanded, each of the five members has gone on to find great success. And by great success we mean poor to mediocre attempts at music and film and melt into obscurity, providing things like VH1 with endless Where Are They Now? material.
OK, OK. That’s not really true. Donnie Whalberg’s fame can really be pinpointed when you say his full legal name Donnie 'Mark Wahlberg’s brother' Wahlberg. There. That’s better.
We know what you’re thinking. Will NKOTB change their name to Old Men At The Doctor Getting Their Prostate Checked, or Old Men On The Bankruptcy List (we seriously have a million of these. We could do this all day) to be current with the times? Probably not, because changing their name could mean they won’t have the same commercial success they did in the 80’s. Oh, wait, they’re not going to have the same commercial success that they did in the 80’s because these guys are neither new, nor kids, nor on any sort of block as far as we know.
The website also includes some nostalgic tidbits about the band that really have us fired up for what’s in store:
"They rose from the streets of Boston," the site touts. "To become the biggest band in the world. They influenced a generation. They sold over 70 million albums and grossed more than one billion dollars. Five multiplatinum albums, 10 top 10 singles, five number one singles. Then they walked away from it all. Millions of fans around the world await their return. Are you ready?"
We fear that the question posed 'Are you ready?' is only rhetorical. Regardless of our thinly veiled, slightly sarcastic commentary on the return of NKOTB, we can’t help but scratch our heads and look at all of those record sales and wonder “why didn’t you boys listen to your mothers and save your money so you don’t have to hitch your wagon to the slightly depressing horse of band reunions?”
We’ve just been through this reuniting garbage with the Spice Girls. We don’t need another reason to be depressed.
Read More:
New Kids: Back On The Block? – Yahoo
Nini Dee Kay says
Just wanted to let you know that not everybody thinks the same as you. Ok there’re lots of bands reuniting lately, and you could laugh at NKOTB coming back, but millions of girls (now women) around the world are in their nostalgic time of their life and are eagerly awaiting their return, at least for the good memories it will bring them.
If they’re coming back only to make money, fans really don’t give a s*** because this is their chance to see them again or maybe for some, for the first time.
Kelley says
If anything is sagging and drooping this time around, it’s probably you. I’d even bet that you are older than they are. You have now turned into that bitter, sarcastic old woman who likes to try and suck the fun out of anything anyone younger than her might enjoy. Your mom must be so proud.
Nicole says
I know that Jonathan has more money than God. He’s a real estate developer in Boston whose own house is worth over a million dollars, and he’s bought a business for his sisters, helped his mom with her house, bought his sister’s house for her.
Jordan has money, he’s had several albums since NK. He’s said if he doesn’t want to, he never has to work another day in his life.
Joe’s had four or five albums since NK, he’s done Broadway. He’s done TV. He’s done a movie.
Donnie’s worked pretty steadily in film and TV since his NK days. He’s got money, and he seems to live pretty modestly in Sherman Oaks, CA.
Danny’s the only one I don’t know of. He’s had a few indie albums, but nothing big. A couple of indie films that I don’t know what happened to them. And he’s been through a nasty divorce and has a few kids.
Amy says
I think you’re jealous of the possibility that they DID save their money and could be doing this because they REALLY want to or that they have an incredibly huge fanbase that have been anxiously waiting for their return!!!!!! KEEP KEEPIN ON!!!!!!!!!
Jealous R we says
Never mind hey – more money then you – loved by people more then you. If it does happen then it does – and im not one to moan about it – just let them have a go and THEN diss em, dont count ya chickens before they hatch – look at Take that !!! !!