Naomi Campbell has escaped serious punishment for her spazzy airport tantrum last week, possibly because the police know that no prison's puny metal bars can contain a force of nature that terrifying.
Instead, Naomi Campbell has walked away with nothing more than a caution – the slap on the wrist usually doled out to naughty schoolboys.
But a punishment is a punishment, and Naomi Campbell will no doubt learn some very important lessons on to become a better person from it. Or she'll try and genetically bind her DNA with that of a dilophosaurus so that the next time she spits at a policemen her acidic saliva will melt his eyes and leave him vulnerable enough for her to slash open his belly with her ferocious talons. Which is probably more likely.
The recent botched opening of Heathrow's Terminal 5 left many officials with egg on their faces. But one lucky official was able to wipe the egg off his face because he could use Naomi Campbell's hawked-up greenies as a manky lubricant, the lucky sod.
You'll remember from last week that Naomi Campbell was arrested at Heathrow because her baggage went missing and she got angry – a reaction that nobody could have possibly expected from someone as dainty as Naomi Campbell.
At the time it was reported that Naomi Campbell was arrested for assaulting a police officer, leading us to believe that she'd either torn his jaw out or snapped him in half and drank his spinal fluid. However, it later emerged that Naomi merely spat at the officer, which is a bit lame given that she once smashed a boat up because she didn't like the kind of cheese that a waiter offered her.
And now it's turned out that Naomi Campbell has been cautioned for the spit-attack, meaning that she'll escape any changes for it. Marie Claire reports:
The quick-tempered supermodel is currently free on bail following her arrest and removal from an LA-bound flight at Heathrow's troubled Terminal 5 last week. She risked being charged with an aggravated felony by police, after allegedly spitting at an officer, and legal experts predicted the charge could have resulted in a US visa ban, preventing her from modelling in the States. But police are reportedly not looking to take further action against the catwalk star – if she accepts a caution. A police source told a tabloid: 'The Crown Prosecution Service will be consulted, but the expected outcome is a caution.'
Now, admittedly Naomi Campbell spitting at a policeman isn't a particularly serious offense, but that's only on Naomi Campbell's sliding scale of terrifying violence. A glob of phlegm won't do the same amount of damage as, say, a mobile phone that's been hurtled at your skull at the speed of light. But, still, a simple caution seems to be nothing more than a green light for Naomi Campbell to continue her horrific reign of atrocities.
A caution might seem like the simplest option to end this mess now, but we'd just like the police to know that when Naomi Campbell inevitably catapults a petrol tanker into the side of a primary school because someone didn't compliment her on her nice new hat sincerely enough, then they'll have nobody to blame but themselves.
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mst3kster says
Naomi’s spitting incident gives new meaning to “Campbell’s Soup.”
The Dread Pirate Sausage!! says
I want her to meet up with and assault a man with as great a temper as hers.
And he should be quite short and easily under estimated.
This is my dream.