People, you may want to sit down – here is a Miley Cyrus story that doesn’t involve any unsettling teenage nudity.

We know! Crazy, huh? It seems that Miley Cyrus has passed the ‘inappropriate exhibitionism’ stage of her development and has already reached the ‘lonely superstar isolation’ mark, as demonstrated by a recent interview where she did nothing but glumly reflect on how she wishes she could be a normal teenager.

That’s great – as we all know, the ‘lonely superstar isolation’ stage is always followed by either the ‘drug-fuelled career meltdown’ or the ‘buying a monkey and considering it to be your only friend’ stage. Which path will Miley Cyrus pick? We don’t care, so long as she promises not to take any more pictures of herself in the shower. We’ve just eaten, Miley. Honestly.

You always want what you haven’t got, isn’t that true? We, for example, really want the two things we don’t have – an iPhone and the ability to love. Seriously, can someone send us an iPhone?

It’s exactly the same for Miley Cyrus. On the surface Miley Cyrus has got everything she could possibly wish for – money, fame, a slightly creepy-looking father, the power to create widespread moral panic every time she displays a portion of her back – but deep down all Miley Cyrus wants is to be normal.

You know, the kind of normal where your friends aren’t all 35-year-old Disney publicists. The kind of normal where you can take as many inappropriate pictures of your underwear-clad body without them appearing all over the internet. The kind of normal where you work as hard as you can all your life and get passed over for promotion time and time again and you can’t stop daydreaming about throwing yourself off a cliff just so your family can use the life insurance money to buy themselves food. That’s the sort of normal that Miley Cyrus wants, damnit!

And on Good Morning America this morning, Miley Cyrus managed to reveal all about her weird desire to be normal. People reports:

“Sometimes I’m like, ‘Oh, I want to go to the mall,’ I’m thinking, ‘I’m totally gonna be fine and be able to shop around.’ It’s, like, okay, not a normal teenager, you know… when I go out and about, I’m like, ‘Okay, like I’m not in this normal life.’ It’s not a normal world… I don’t know if I could go back to, like, a normal life. I think it would be too hard.”

Yes, OK Miley. We get it. You’re not normal. Thanks for pointing that out as much as you just did. But, on behalf of all the normal people in the world, we’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for at least pretending that you want to be like us. We’ve never felt so cherished.

Actually, maybe we’re being a little unfair on Miley Cyrus here. As a child star, this life is all she’s ever known. Maybe she really does believe that it’s better to schlub your life away in a thankless, badly-paid mid-level job toiling for a giant faceless corporation.

And, who knows? Maybe it is. After all, as a 15-year-old megastar, Miley Cyrus is subject to pressures and demands that none of us could ever imagine. And don’t forget that her dad is Billy Ray Cyrus, after all. No wonder she wants out.