When it was reported that Miley Cyrus wanted to leave Hannah Montana, you probably reacted like a normal adult and wept relentlessly.
But it’s OK. Miley Cyrus doesn’t want to leave Hannah Montana yet. Even though she’s gained success in several other fields, like music and movies and videogames and borderline amateur softcore pornography, Miley Cyrus has vowed to remain on Hannah Montana indefinitely.
And that’s definitely good news, because so long as there’s a Hannah Montana, there’s always going to be a creepy minge-faced father figure lurking around in the background weirding everyone out in the form of Billy Ray Cyrus. And as long as that happens hecklerspray will never go out of business. Hooray for Hannah Montana and hooray for us!
Miley Cyrus knows which side her bread’s buttered. Actually, you know what, that’s a lie. Miley Cyrus doesn’t know what side her bread’s buttered at all. That’s because all her bread would come pre-buttered by one of any number of servants if she ate bread and butter, but she doesn’t because of the carbohydrates in bread and the fat content in butter. But Miley Cyrus definitely knows what side of the celery stick her servants daub vinaigrette on. Wait, now we’ve confused ourselves.
What we’re saying is that Miley Cyrus knows a good thing when she sees it, as demonstrated by her choice of mostly-naked, much older boyfriend. And Hannah Montana is definitely a good thing for Miley Cyrus.
Without Hannah Montana, Miley Cyrus would just be a plain old regular country singer’s daughter with no fame, no huge financial control over her entire family and the anonymity to make the normal mistakes of adolescence in private where they won’t be amplified and help to destroy her sense of self-esteem. And, ugh, who’d want that?
But recently there were rumours that Miley Cyrus wanted to leave Hannah Montana to continue developing her career into more mainstream markets like movies and, well, anything that wouldn’t frown upon public nudity quite as much as Disney-made children’s TV shows.
However, Miley Cyrus wants you to know that however successful she may become in other fields, she’ll always be making Hannah Montana. Always. Probably always. Probably. Well, at least until the Hannah Montana comes out, at least. And that’s in April. So Miley Cyrus is definitely going to keep making Hannah Montana until April. MTV reports:
“I can’t really tell exactly what the future will be like, because I didn’t think that at the beginning [the show would be the phenomenon] that it was. I like letting life do its own thing,” the 15-year-old performer said. “[But] I definitely want the TV show to continue as long as it can.”
OK, so maybe all that ‘forever’ stuff was pushing it a bit. Actually we’d be surprised if Hannah Montana was still in production this time next year. But maybe we’re wrong. Maybe Hannah Montana will go on and on and on. After all, it worked for Sabrina The Teenage Witch, didn’t it? Nobody questioned what a puffy-faced middle-aged woman who apparently had the magical powers to change her appearance and yet chose not to use it and had a thing for younger men was doing going to a High School every day, did they?
They did? Oh. Then get out while you still can, Miley.