Listen, we’re going to tell you this, but you absolutely mustn’t care about it. If you do, we’ll find you and attack you.
OK, ready? Mariah Carey‘s got engaged. Ta-daaaaah! Do you care? No, no you don’t – and that’s the way it should be. But wait, what if we tell you that Mariah Carey has got engaged to Nick Cannon? Do you care now? No, of course you don’t, because you don’t know who Nick Cannon is. Nobody does.
So what about this – Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have known each other for less than two months, which means the chances of this ending in a way that’s messy and embarrassing for all is sky-high? Yeah, now you care. Doesn’t matter. We’re still coming to beat you up.
Mariah Carey knows the joy that comes from marriage. During her last marriage, to record executive Tommy Mottola, Mariah Carey says she used to fantasise about being kidnapped because it would mean she wouldn’t be in the ‘psychologically abusive’ grip of her paranoid controlling husband any more. Then, once the marriage broke up, Mariah Carey had an emotional and physical breakdown that threatened the future of her career. Oh, we’re suckers for romance like this. Blub.
So what girl wouldn’t want to go through all that again, and with a guy she’s only just met? Mariah Carey sure would, because she’s apparently got engaged to Nick Cannon, a rapper who got his name because one of his hobbies involves putting ball bearings up his bum and farting them out at pirate ships. US Weekly reports:
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are engaged, according to a source close to the diva, Access Hollywood reports. Cannon’s rep had no comment on the report when reached by Usmagazine.com. Carey’s rep was unavailable. Carey, 38, met the 27-year-old rapper-actor when he directed the video for her latest single, “Bye Bye,” in late March. “It’s hot and heavy,” an insider told Us Weekly in its latest issue.
No comment? Unavailable reps? Oooh, they’re totally getting married! What hat should we wear to their wedding?
Call us cynical here but we honestly can’t see Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon actually getting engaged. We’ve seen reality-challenged celebrity couples rush into these breakneck engagements before, and they never work out. And if little Aaron Carter can’t stay engaged for long, then what chance does Mariah Carey have?
And, to be honest, we don’t know too much about this Nick Cannon character either – and Mariah Carey can’t exactly be an expert on him either at the moment.
What concerns us the most is that Mariah Carey has insured her legs for a billion dollars and, unless she performs a full background check on him first, we can’t rule out the possibility that she’ll wake up on the first day of her honeymoon to see Nick Cannon running over her shins with a lawnmower to earn himself a quick buck. It’s what we’d do, after all.
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accidentalsexiness says
According to Latina.com they have already married! Does she even realize that the ring he gave her is the same one he gave his ex-fiance?
I bet she knows now. Expect the announcement of the annulment by Monday!
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