It’s always sad when love ends, except for when it’s love between a potato-man and an old lady mostly comprised of cartilage. Then it’s quite funny.
Which is to say that the divorce between Madonna and Guy Ritchie has been nothing but solid non-stop hilarity from start to finish. So laugh it up while you can, because it looks as though the divorce between Madonna and Guy Ritchie is going to be finalised at the High Court tomorrow.
The news comes after the revelation that Madonna and Guy Ritchie have quietly worked out a settlement. That’s likely to be kept a secret, but we assume there’ll be a fair split in terms of custody and ownership of property, and Madonna will get to keep the leotards. No! Guy Ritchie will keep the leotards! No! Madonna! No! Guy! No! Oh, we don’t know which outcome would make us feel queasier.
We don’t know about you, but it feels like the end of an era. A slightly improbable era where the world’s biggest female celebrity fell in love with the man behind the Channel Five hidden camera gameshow Swag. An era that led to one of the worst fake British accents that has ever been spoken. An era that, when we tried to imagine the act of physical love being performed by the two principle figureheads, made us dry-heave into a plastic bin like a cat with a hairball for 45 minutes at a time. But the end of an era nonetheless.
Madonna and Guy Ritchie – didn’t you almost have it all? Obviously by ‘it all’ we mean ‘a big house, a brown baby that wasn’t yours and the ability to brainwash athletes into sleeping with you‘, but that’s all by the by now. Because Madonna and Guy Ritchie are finalising their divorce tomorrow.
It seems like forever ago that Guy Ritchie and Madonna announced their divorce plans, but maybe that’s because divorce rumours had plagued them since almost the day they got married. And since the announcement we’ve been deluged with a tidalwave of new stories about divorce lawyers and friends taking sides and gristle, all of which might have given some of you the impression that the Madonna/ Guy Ritchie divorce was going to stretch off into the horizon like the interminable Paul McCartney divorce.
But that’s not going to happen. Quietly, in private and with a level of dignity that’s left us feeling slightly incredulous, Madonna and Guy Ritchie have hammered out a divorce settlement and this time tomorrow it’ll all be over. BBC News reports:
Pop star Madonna and her film director husband Guy Ritchie are to be divorced at the High Court in London on Friday, according to court lists A notice of the couple’s decree nisi will be posted at the Registry of the Family Division. The couple are registered for the divorce hearing under the names Ciccione M and Ritchie GS. It will be heard before the High Court’s Family Division at 1000 GMT.
While details of the divorce settlement are being kept private, it’s thought that Madonna will keep the bulk of her fortune and the couple’s two children Rocco and David will split time equally between her and Guy Ritchie. The divorce itself will only take a couple on minutes, and neither party are expected to attend.
It’s all a very cold and clinical ending to the marriage, with no extremes of emotion being shown by anyone. Maybe that’s because both Madonna and Guy Ritchie are both rumoured to have moved on romantically since the split, but still, for a marriage between such huge personalities to squeak to a close like this is one of the saddest things imaginable.
Actually, no, we take that back. One of the saddest things would be if Madonna and Guy Ritchie both decided to attend the hearing tomorrow, realised that they were still in love and ended up humping each other on the steps to the High Court in front of all the news cameras. That would just be unbearably sad.
Ruzanna says
eight years of marriage is a good score for a celebrity like Madonna, bravo.
coffee says
the settlement that came out of the Madonna-Guy Ritchie divorce had to break some kind of record