This weekend saw Liz Hurley get married to her boyfriend Arun Nayur, which isn't really news; but now Liz Hurley and Arun Nayur have gone to India for six days of traditional Indian ceremonies which, er, isn't really news either come to think of it.
Oh, who are we kidding? When the world's worst actress gets married to some rich bloke we've never heard of, of course it's news. Globe-crushing news. Anyway, now that Liz Hurley and Arun Nayur have finally got married to each other, the traditional Indian ceremonies can now commence, including the traditional – some would say poignant – moment where the groom's mother turns to her husband and says "Did you see her in Mad Dogs And Englishmen? I didn't care much for that film, you know. And she should have been arrested for doing that to Bedazzled, the hoity-toity bell-end."
Liz Hurley has been threatening to get married for such a long time now that nothing she could have possibly done would have prevented her actual marriage from being the juddering anticlimax that it inevitably was. If you believe everything you read then Liz Hurley has been pregnant about a billion times over the last year or so, and has been on imminent marriage alert since probably about 1998. And then there are the rumours that it was Liz Hurley who split up Hugh Grant and Jemima Fiffington-Wotsit a few weeks ago to contend with.
But even though it was so staggeringly inevitable that not even Joe Pasquale could get excited about it after drinking his own bodyweight in Red Bull, Liz Hurley and Arun Nayur still managed to scrape one molecule of tabloid interest from their wedding by having it on Friday instead of Saturday like everyone thought. Presumably Liz Hurley's wedding was a wonderful affair that closed down the sleepy village it was held in and Hugh Grant's special wedding monkey didn't shit on the bride's head. Following Liz Hurley and Arun Nayur's wedding on Friday, a special reception was held at Sudeley Castle in Winchcombe on Saturday, with noted reception-hoggers like Elton John and Kate Moss in attendance.
But now that Liz Hurley and Arun Nayur are married – and have appeased Elton John's towering appetite for cake – the newlyweds are off to India, partly to indulge themselves in some traditional Indian marriage ceremonies and partly to show the country that not all British women are gobby racist pikeys with voices like particularly offensive dentist drills. CBS reports:
In Indian marriage ceremonies, haldi or turmeric is applied to the bride's face, hands and legs and dabbed on the groom's face. Elder family members and friends then bless the couple with wishes for a happy married life. Wedding celebrations will continue Wednesday through Saturday in the city of Jodhpur at Umaid Bhavan Palace. Hurley and Nayar are also expected to attend a "mehendi" ceremony where intricate henna designs are applied on the bride's hands a day before the lavish reception at the palace on Saturday… Hurley, 41, and Nayar, 42, have been tightlipped about their plans that likely will include a traditional "haldi" or turmeric ceremony, where bride and groom are covered in a paste of turmeric, milk and cream to cleanse and beautify the couple.
All these beautiful ancient symbols of love and purification of the spirit sound wonderful, but we can't quite shake the suspicion that Liz Hurley doesn't exactly have her heart in it, especially since she's gone on record as saying that India makes her sick. Instead we think that this whole 'covering yourself in turmeric and cream' thing is nothing more than a ruse to disguise herself as Indian food and fool Kanye West into shipping her over to New York for free.
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Junior says
Is Liz Hurley even FAMOUS any more?
Joe Harrison says
I am at a complete loss as to why Elizabeth Hurley’s getting married has gained so much exposure and so many people care. She is beautiful, but she cannot act, cannot sing, and is apparently best known for once being involved with Hugh Grant. Why so much media coverage of this?
Nai says
There is media coverage because she is famous for being famous like so many ‘celebities’ these days, and her only talent is promoting herself. I doubt anybody really cares apart from the media.