Because she's pregnant, Lisa Marie Presley has very naturally bloated out to the size of, say, Luxembourg – but that doesn't mean she's very happy about it.
You see, Lisa Marie Presley was only forced into confirming the pregnancy because The Daily Mail ran some pictures of her looking so fat that you'd think she needed to be transported everywhere on a reinforced forklift truck.
But Lisa Marie Presley isn't fat, she's pregnant. And so wounded by the thought that a British newspaper would have the nerve to call her fat that she's suing The Daily Mail. Nobody knows what Lisa Marie Presley will spend her damages on if she's successful, but the smart money's on cake. Cake and biscuits. And pies. Oh, and sausages. Lots of delicious sausages.
Here's a secret – last week we almost ran a story on those Daily Mail pictures of Lisa Marie Presley looking all fat. We chose not to because the whole story would have basically just been 'Ooh, look at the big fat wobbly lady! Ooh fatty fatty fatty! Ooh fatty fatty fatty! Want a sausage, do you, love? You gigantic fat chunky fatto!' and because we were probably running a more important story about Lindsay Lohan's tits or something instead.
Anyway, it's just as well we didn't – because now Lisa Marie Presley is on the warpath. As she pointed out last week, Lisa Marie Presley only looks fat because she's pregnant. And, as the law states, if you call a pregnant woman fat, she can sue you for it.
So that's what Lisa Marie Presley has done. And, as anyone who's ever accidentally sat on a bus seat that a pregnant lady had her eye on knows only too well, The Daily Mail is about to get in the ear something chronic. Reuters reports:
"My client is deeply upset and offended by this article, especially as it was widely published just as she and her family were meant to be celebrating her happy news," said lawyer Simon Smith, who will represent Presley at the High Court… Presley, 40, wrote last week that she had been forced to "show my cards and announce under the gun and under vicious personal attack that I am in fact pregnant. "Once they got a glimpse of my expanding physique a few days ago, they have been like a pack of coyotes circling their prey whilst eerily howling with delight," she wrote on her blog at MySpace.com.
"Eerily howling with delight"? Either someone's been taking one of those nonsense creative writing day courses or all those cakes have got jammed into Lisa Marie Presley's brain and stopped it working properly. Maybe someone needs to sit Lisa Marie Presley down and tell her that actually, yes, she has been putting on quite a lot of weight. And that's because she's pregnant. You don't magically stay the same weight when there's a human being growing inside you draining you of nutrients, do you.
Anyway, suing a right-wing newspaper just because it said you're fat when actually you are fat should be the least of Lisa Marie Presley's concerns at the moment. Because in a few months, Lisa Marie is going to have to give birth to her baby. And the last time a Presley that size tried to push something that big out of their body, they ended up snuffing it on the crapper.
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The Dread Pirate Sausage says
NO.
YOU.
DIDN’T.
LoL
tere says
too funny! hey im fat and someone said something mean to me about it — so darn it i wanna sue and get me some cash to go buy me some sausage and peanutbutter and naner sandwiches. dont ya just love the legal system.
lets just hope nobody mentions priscilla presley looking like a chimpmonk – she may sue as well. i guess the 100 million from ckx wasnt enough for the presleys.
euclid says
“You’re fat.”
“I’m not fat, I’m pregnant.” Heh.
Retardate newsflash:
Obesity and pregnancy are not mutually exclusive.
(Oops… dumb it down, e…)
You can be pregnant and fat at the same time.
Good luck with your case, fuckwit.
Tip to the defense: a plate of doughnuts
Laura says
Fatty fatty 2 by 4