Lisa Marie Presley Violently Pregnant

Lisa Marie Presley Pregnant Elvis PresleyYou may have seen pictures of Lisa Marie Presley recently and wondered how she got so enormous, but now we have the answer – Lisa Marie Presley ate a baby.

Wait, no, not that's not entirely true. In fact what's happened is that Lisa Marie Presley – daughter of Elvis Presley – is merely pregnant, as her spokesman has confirmed.

This will be Lisa Marie Presley's third child but, given that she's looking more and more like Fat Elvis with each passing day, it's unknown whether Lisa Marie will want to give birth to her baby in the regular way or die trying to crap it out of her arse on the toilet. As a mark of respect to her father, you understand.

For all the benefits of being Elvis Presley's only daughter – like never having to wait any longer than five minutes for a deep-fried squirrel burger as a child or getting to have sex with well-established dreamboat hunks like Nicolas Cage and Michael Jackson – there are bound to be drawbacks. 

Just ask Lisa Marie Presley. She is Elvis Presley's only daughter and, when she's not floating on a cloud of joy because she's probable touched Michael Jackson's penis, she has to live with the fact that Elvis still makes more money than she does even though he's been dead for 30 years. Plus she's a Scientologist, so she probably has to put up with hanging around Tom Cruise and Kirstie Alley a lot more than any human deserves to.

However, Lisa Marie Presley has one thing that Elvis Presley never had, and that's a functional female reproductive system. And she just keeps rubbing that in the dead man's face, because Lisa Marie Presley is pregnant again. Hello reports:

Elvis' only daughter is expecting her first child with guitarist and music producer husband Michael Lockwood this autumn. "The couple are incredibly overjoyed," says Lisa's spokesperson, who confirmed the happy news on Friday. The new arrival will be Lisa's third baby. She has a daughter Riley, 18, and son Benjamin, 15, with ex-husband, musician and actor Danny Keough.

You see? It isn't just celebrities like Nicole Kidman and Jessica Alba that can get pregnant – the barely-remembered offspring of celebrities can do it too. 

The news of Lasa Marie Presley's pregnancy will come a blessed relief to anyone who saw the photos of her earlier this week looking all gigantic. But at least now we all know that a woman we don't care about is only fat because she's pregnant and not because she eats a lot of chips. Truly, we can sleep soundly now.

Read more:

Elvis' daughter Lisa Marie expecting third child this autumn - Hello 

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Comments

  1. dawn says

    just leave her alone what has she done to you nothing words can hurt and leave scars just leave her alone she is only humam like us

  2. liZ says

    this web site is a sad joke on all people famous or not.
    I came across this shit and couldn’t believe it!
    you are a flaw in this Internet world we live in
    but remember what goes around comes around.
    By the way your not worthy to even whisper LMP’s
    name. I hope she sues the the crap out of u!!!!!

  3. Lisa says

    you are an a**hole!  You must have some kind of deep-dark hatred for anyone with real talent!  What a negative life you have.  Karma is a bitch – and you definitely have it looking your way. 
    Why don’t you shut the f**k up and go do something positive in the world. 
    People like you make me want to throw up.  A**hole.
     

  4. Dee says

    Well, of course, you are an asshole. But then, that’s the reputation you wanted from this piece of crap. I guess you must have been a victim of bullying as a teenager…….some things never change, eh?

  5. Lisa Presley (not Marie) says

    That’s a pretty fucked up way to report something, especially a pregnancy, (not to mention the insensitivity towards the death of someone’s loved one.) And the media no doubt wonder how they could possibly be responsible for image problems,eating disorders, etc.

  6. says

    Give me a break you bunch of over-sensitive biatches. Yes it’s f**ked up how he reported it, yes it might hurt her feelings but even if she does’nt make more than her daddy she still has a butt load more money than us so why would she give a crap what he thinks. It’s okay Stuart I get your twisted smart ass sense of humor. Keep piss*** the girlies off.

  7. lmpee says

    ok,ok! why are you all so sensitive? if she’s really fat, why would he tell your face that she’s isnt?! just get over it, she’s a junkie and a jerk, and no talent! just accept it!