Remember ages ago when everyone was all like “Hey, Lisa Marie Presley is really fat” and Lisa Marie Presley was all like “Hey, I’m only stuffing food into my mouth quicker than I can swallow it because I’m pregnant”?
Yeah, we do too. It seems like it happened ages ago, didn’t it? But it only took place a few months ago, because Lisa Marie Presley has only just given birth to the adorable little babies who were prenatally forcing her to gorge on whatever food happened to be closest to her.
According to reports, Lisa Marie Presley gave birth to a pair of twin girls last Tuesday. However, since no names have been revealed yet – or any details other than the ones we’ve just given you, in fact – we’re not convinced. Until we see photographic evidence of these twins, we’re just going to assume that Lisa Marie Presley just did a couple of really, really big poos. It’s hereditary, we hear.
2008 hasn’t especially been kind to the Presley family’s faces. There was Priscilla Presley‘s face, which got all messed up after a male Argentinian prostitute injected it with engine lubricant, and then there was Lisa Marie Presley’s face, which everyone relentlessly mocked back in March because it had suddenly taken on the dimensions of a smashed animal buttock.
However, it turns out that we were all completely wrong to do this to Lisa Marie Presley. It turns out that Lisa Marie wasn’t fat, she was pregnant. And we all know that you can’t be pregnant and fat, it’s either one or the other.
And now, just seven short months later, Lisa Marie Presley has finally got round to having those babies taken out of her body. Just don’t expect any details about them, OK? E! Online reports:
The rock ‘n’ roll progeny and her hubby, Michael Lockwood, celebrated the arrival of twin girls this week, E! News has confirmed. Per Presley’s publicist, Cindy Guagenti, the twosome arrived at 2:46 p.m. Tuesday via C-section, weighing in at 5 pounds, 15 ounces and 5 pounds, 2 ounces, respectively. The children’s names have not been announced.
Actually, maybe the only reason why Lisa Marie Presley hasn’t revealed the names of her babies yet is because she hasn’t got round to thinking up anything suitable. After all, the responsibility of choosing an appropriate identity for your child to carry around for the rest of its life isn’t one that should be taken lightly.
Or, alternatively, Lisa Marie Presley has picked names for her children but they haven’t been revealed because her mouth is so constantly full of crisps and bread and ice cream and hot dogs that nobody can understand what she’s trying to say. But it probably isn’t that.
Anyway, regardless of the twins’ names, we should just be pleased that the Presley genes have been carried on for another generation. After all, Elvis Presley was arguably one of the most famous men in history, and Lisa Marie Presley had both a number five album and a number nine album. So if the pattern continues, Lisa Marie’s twins are going to grow up to be the best darn Golf Sale signholders the world has ever seen.
nan says
Stuart,
May I express myself as freely as you did?
I think you are a rude, disrespectful pig. Hopefully, she will sue your axx. You are cruel, mean and make your salary by slamming other people. People who did nothing to deserve your hateful comments. Lisa Marie Presley has never been heavy, so your comments don’t even make sense and are not factual.
Be careful of karma. It has a way of biting people like you in the arse.
~Nan
Georgie Pendragon says
Wow.. this is over a year old now, and still right up there in the retardism ballpark. Congrats you’re a long term idiot who doesn’t deserve a keyboard. I hope you got to see those beautiful babies and rammed a lot of crow down your own throat.