Lindsay Lohan and her dad Michael have a complex relationship – you never know who the biggest twonk is.
Obviously your first instinct is Lindsay Lohan. She’s not just a twonk these days – she’s a professional twonk, with her every move painstakingly calibrated for maximum twonkiness. But look closer and you’ll see that Michael Lohan comprehensively out-twonks his daughter.
Why? Because Michael Lohan has written a blog post urging the public to help him split Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson up, that’s why. Oh, but he does consistently refer to Sam Ronson as SaMANtha, so at least wit’s on his side, eh?
Sometimes – and we swear to God we’ll hunt you down and kill you if you tell this to anyone – we feel a little bit sorry for Lindsay Lohan. As if it’s not bad enough being one of the most awful people on the face of the Earth, the poor girl’s saddled with one of the worst families, too. Lindsay Lohan’s mother is happy to sell her family out to reality TV without losing any sleep. Lindsay Lohan’s sister seems to have inherited the singing voice of Lee Marvin. And then there’s Lindsay Lohan’s dad.
Michael Lohan deserves special attention because he can never seem to make up his mind about whether he loves Lindsay Lohan or whether he wants to suffocate her in her sleep so that he can wear her skin like a suit and dance around fooling people into thinking that he is actually her.
Lindsay and Michael have had their good moments, but they pale into insignificance when compared to all their crappy moments, like when Michael Lohan told the world that Lindsay Lohan was hooked on painkillers, or when he publicly declared that Barack Obama was a wanker for not liking his daughter very much. Or when he knocked a woman up with Lindsay Lohan’s half-sister when his wife wasn’t looking.
Or that time he wrote a blog pleading with members of the public to try and split Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson up. Which just happens to be now. Here’s just some of what Michael Lohan wrote:
I am asking everyone out their to intervene in every way possible to help Lindsay, and quite possibly, save her life. Help this wonderful, good hearted and gifted young lady to see what SaMANtha is doing to her and how she is destroying her life. Help her to see that ever since SaMANtha came into her life, nothing good has come of it. As a matter of fact, Lindsay hasn’t used her gifts like she did before meeting SaMANtha. Just LOOK! The proof is there! These aren’t just words, but FACTS! PLEASE HELP!
This isn’t the first time that Michael Lohan has voiced his dissent about Sam Ronson, of course – he recently had to apologise for calling her ‘dark and hideous’ – but this is much clearly worse, because not only is he directly asking the public to end her relationship with Lindsay, but it’s also the first time that Michael Lohan has written a blog post about Sam Ronson in the style of a paranoid 9/11 conspiracy theorist.
But what Michael Lohan wants, Michael Lohan gets. We’re now determined to split Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson up, and we’re going to do it by dressing up as a lady and strutting seductively up and down in front of Sam to make Lindsay jealous. It worked for Bugs Bunny so, damnit, it’s going to work for us.
Julian Mentat says
>> “Lindsay hasn
ahaha says
lolz..