OK everyone, you can put the nature vs nurture debate to bed now – the newly-discovered illegitimate half-sister of Lindsay Lohan proves that it's definitely nature.
Why? Because even though 13-year-old Ashley Kaufmann – the girl apparently sired by Michael Lohan during a month-long affair – was raised in a completely separate environment to Lindsay Lohan and Ali Lohan, she's still labouring under the mistaken belief that she's going to be a huge pop star.
According to reports, Ashley Kaufmann is busy trying to crack the music industry and has already made a number of approaches to record companies. Poor Ashley Kaufmann – we wonder if she's realised that she's genetically predestined to end up face down in a pile of drugs midway through an emotionally hollow Dionysian pansexual orgy yet.
Call it a hunch, but we get the feeling that Michael Lohan likes women of an unbearably obnoxious bent. Why? Because he managed to have three children with Dina Lohan – a stage-mother so determined to live her life vicariously through her offsprings' psychologically demanding acting and singing careers that they made a TV show about her – and now it turns out that he might have had another kid with a woman named Kristi Kaufmann.
Now, we have no idea who Kristi Kaufmann is – other than the fact that she had a month-long affair with Michael Lohan while he was married and possibly became pregnant with his child – but she's clearly a force to be reckoned with.
Just a few days after her daughter Ashley Kaufman was outed as a possible illegitimate Lohan sister, Kristi Kaufmann has managed to get the teenager's photo into OK! and In Touch magazine and big up her nascent career as a recording artist all in one go. Here's MSNBC with more:
Alleged illegitimate Lohan sister Ashley Kaufmann, is reportedly trying to follow in the footsteps of her possible half-sisters Lindsay and Ali by approaching studios about cutting a record deal. A record-industry insider says, “Ashley has more talent than Lindsay or Ali.” A Lohan family source adds, “Ashley’s singing ability just proves that the family talent comes from Michael (Lohan), not Dina Lohan.”
Now it'd be highly irresponsible of us to single out an individual member of the Lohan family to attribute that last quote to, but let's have a go anyway – "the family talent comes from Michael, not Dina Lohan." Who could have possibly said that? No, we give up. Was it Dina?
Anyway, you know what? We're actually looking forward to hearing Ashley Kaufmann's music, because that's the only way we'll truly discover whether she's a Lohan or not. Yes, we know that the results of Michael Lohan's DNA test will come back long before Ashley actually releases anything, but we all know in our heart of hearts that Ashley Kaufmann won't be a real Lohan until she's recorded a song about what an uncaring dick Michael Lohan is.
Jamie says
i think she is a Lohan, but you never know, i mean people do things for spot light, even if it is only a 15 min. deal, all i know is, if she is a Lohan, who knows how much that will boost up her career, i mean in the end this could just be a skam to get Ashley’s name to labels.
KC says
I’ve seen the pictures of this Ashley Kaufmann… Can’t really see this so-called resemblance to Lindsay, if any.
Whereas Ali looks absolutely identical to Lindsay at the same age (though we have to consider that they share the same parents, unlike Ashley Kaufmann, who only has… Michael Lohan)
I’m thinking that the mother is wanting to cash in on the Lohan fame and celebrity status… A social climber, gold-digger, whatever…
According to TransworldNews, “The alleged half-sister of actress Lindsay Lohan wants to make an album, says a source. Ashley Kaufmann, 13, has reportedly visited several studios in hopes of landing a record deal.”
Link: http://www.transworldnews.com/NewsStory.aspx?id=52349&cat=2
Major wannabe or what? She’s just totally wanting to capitalise on the Lohan fame…
Can’t you just see the interview:
A. Kaufmann: I wanna be just like my sisters!!! I really admire them, and I’m looking forward to getting to know them and spending time with my new dad and sisters!!!
Me: (Vomits)
I really feel for Ali and Lindsay. And Dina.