Lindsay Lohan Succumbs To The Inevitable, Removes Bra For Cash

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Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lohan naked, Peepshow, Mel BNow that she’s been dumped, it looks as if Lindsay Lohan will take her chronic attention-seeking out on us.

Great. Nice one Sam Ronson. You massive turd. Anyway, since her last two goes at attention-seeking have involved booze and public scuffles with a lesbian, it’s only natural that Lindsay Lohan should want her next go at it to involve nudity. And that’s why Lindsay Lohan is close to signing up for a Las Vegas stripshow.

We’re tempted to call this Lindsay’s last-ditch punt at fame, but we’ve seen seen Georgia Rule and you can’t be allowed two last-ditch punts, surely.

Whatever you might think of her, you can’t fault Lindsay Lohan’s thought processes. Right now Lindsay Lohan is as low as she’s ever been – her new movie is going straight to cable, she’s been dumped by that mannish lesbian she was seeing and she’s currently on the front cover of a magazine bleating ‘I’M SO ALONE’ like some sort of awful self-pitying nimrod.

And that’s in addition to all the other things that are terrible in Lindsay Lohan’s life, like her fame-hungry father, her fame-hungry mother, her voice that sounds like Dr Claw from Inspector Gadget after a heavy night out on the old toilet bleach and the fact that nothing she’s ever done has ever been of any worth. But does any of this get Lindsay Lohan down? No way.

Instead, Lindsay Lohan has decided to try something fresh and original. Something she’s never done before. You know, apart from that time a gust of wind blew up her skirt at an awards show, or that time a gust of wind blew up her skirt near the sea, or that time she got naked for a magazine, or the time she starred in a film about a stripper who worked in a strip club for a living. But, aside from those things, completely fresh and original.

That’s right, it looks as if Lindsay Lohan is about to join a Las Vegas stripshow. But a classy one, you understand. Peepshow, it’s called. Mel B‘s in it. You know, the classy Spice Girl. People reports:

Lohan was in Las Vegas Saturday taking in the performance that stars Melanie Brown and Kelly Monaco. If Lohan were to join the show, she would take over for Monaco in a role that requires Monaco to strip down to almost nothing – something that won’t change if Lohan starred. “When the character strips she does it because she has learned to be strong by the other character/dancers in the show.” Peepshow‘s director Jerry Mitchell told PEOPLE.

Now you see, that’s vital. Despite her recent troubles, Lindsay Lohan is still a serious actress, and she’ll only get naked if the part absolutely demands it. And, luckily for her, the only recognisable human facet that her Peepshow character has is the desire to be naked as often as possible, probably because her movie and music career have gone down the toilet. What a fortunate coincidence.

Still though, Mel B and Lindsay Lohan writing around in various states of undress. That’s sexy. No, no wait. We’re confusing ‘sexy’ with ‘nightmarish’ again. Sorry.

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Comments

  1. Craig says

    “Coming this Fall”

    “Vivid Pictures Presents”

    “Lindsay Lohan in…”

    “Blondie Justice 2: Broke Ass Skank”

  2. says

    Sorry, but you lost me at “We’ve seen Georgia Rule.”

    I don’t even care if you’re being facetious about that. I need you to take it back.

    JESUS.

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