If there’s one thing we hate it’s taxi drivers. Idiots, the lot of them, with their stupid job and their, um, shoes. And stuff.
OK, we don’t hate taxi drivers. Only a fool could bring himself to hate taxi drivers. And only a giant fool would be able to hate taxi drivers to the point of violence. A big stupid fool, probably with a rubbish face and BO and a dirty bumhole and fleas.
Lee Ryan from Blue was in court yesterday for allegedly punching a taxi driver in the side of the head three times. We don’t see how this alters our original point.
Hecklerspray has had its ups and downs with Lee Ryan in the past, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that he’s easily our fifth-favourite former member of Blue, after Duncan, Simon, Zeppo and Digby The Biggest Dog In The World.
We love Lee Ryan because he speaks his mind. Whether he’s angrily reminding people about elephants following the September 11 attacks, getting thrown off a reality TV show during an argument about pikeys or just appearing to shout abuse at strangers in the street, Lee Ryan’s compulsion to bring the truth is admirable to say the least. Also, we quite fancy his Mum.
But every now and again Lee Ryan hits a stumbling block, like when he has to write his thoughts down or when taxi drivers infuriate him so much that he can only express himself by punching them in the side of the head three times.
That’s what apparently happened on New Year’s Eve when it’s been claimed that Lee Ryan punched taxi driver Naeem Ibrahim in the head after his fiancee drove into his taxi, then punched him a further three times after Ibrahim pushed him away. And, charged with common assault, Lee Ryan went to court yesterday.
Although he denies the attack, Lee Ryan faces six months in prison if found guilty. Which he probably won’t, because it’s just Lee’s word against the taxi driver’s. And the passenger who claims to have seen Lee Ryan punching the taxi driver quite clearly. Anyway, don’t get excited just yet, because Lee’s actual trial has been pushed back a bit, as BBC News reports:
The 25-year-old denies the attack and had been due to stand trial. However, the case was delayed because Mr Ibrahim was in India and could not attend Redhill Magistrates Court. Raymond Lewis, defending Mr Ryan, told the court his client punched Mr Ibrahim once in self-defence. When details of his arrest were made public, Mr Ryan was sacked from a “prime-time” ITV Saturday night show in which he was due to appear in six episodes, Mr Lewis told the court.
A prime time Saturday night TV show? What could it have been? Not Britain’s Got Talent, surely, because we’ve seen Lee Ryan’s tapdancing ventriloquist act and frankly it needs a lot of work. Kids Do The Funniest Things? Hardly – it’s called Kids Do The Funniest Things, not Kids Repeatedly Outwit An Angry And Confused Former Boyband Member. We do notice that this Saturday night ITV is showing The Big Fight, though, and that’s not outside the realms of possibility, is it?
Anyway, the point is that Lee Ryan got sacked from the show right after he was arrested for common assault. So here’s what we propose. Next time Lee Ryan’s due to go on TV, we all paint targets on the side of our heads and walk around singing Army Of Lovers in a sarcastic way on the off-chance that Lee Ryan sees it, lashes out and gets the sack again. Sure, it’ll sting a bit, but it’s your moral duty as a human being to keep Lee from being on the telly as much as you can.
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Mithaearon says
Get punched in the head by Lee Ryan to keep him off TV? Now there’s a sacrifice I am willing to make! Is he the tool originally from Chatham?
Doug says
zzzzzzzzz, change the record guys