OK, sorry. That was a misleading headline. Kendra Wilkinson probably isn’t the Virgin Mary, on account of the fact that she looks like a bit of a slapper.
However, we can state with some degree of authority that Kendra Wilkinson is definitely going to give birth to the second coming of Jesus, on account of the fact that she’s pregnant and her new baby is going to be born on Christmas day.
And also because Kendra Wilkinson’s ex-boyfriend is Hugh Hefner who, while not God, is technically just about as old as God. It all adds up, really, doesn’t it?
Kendra Wilkinson is living proof that having blonde hair and ridiculously outsized boobs doesn’t automatically make you famous. This is because a) the day you start referring to crushingly generic Playboy booby models like Kendra Wilkinson as famous is the day you stop being taken seriously as a human being, and b) even if Kendra Wilkinson was famous – which we’d like to again reiterate that she’s not – then it’d be a title she’s fought hard to win.
After all, Kendra Wilkinson wasn’t just a Playboy model – for a while there she was also one of Hugh Hefner’s flock of uncomfortably similar-looking girlfriends, a thankless task which we imagine involves little more than changing his bedpan three times a day in a sexy wipe-clean bra. And you have to admit, if that was your job you’d want a little recognition for it as well.
Anyway, Kendra Wilkinson and Hugh Hefner are no more. At the tail end of last year Kendra broke Hugh’s heart – something that’s only achieved through deep emotional loss or, in Hugh’s case, his elderly body’s inability to break down saturated fats – but that’s not to say that the story doesn’t have a happy ending. Hugh Hefner has already moved on romantically to what can only be described two orange foetuses in Pamela Anderson wigs, while Kendra has only gone and got herself knocked up already.
That’s not a shock in itself – Kendra Wilkinson is engaged to professional sportsman Hank Baskett and will marry him at the end of the month – but what is surprising is that she’s due to have her baby on Christmas day. So how did Kendra Wilkinson react to the news that her pregnancy was set to end on one of the most spiritually important days of the religious calendar? With admirable sensitivity and restraint, that’s how. Kendra told E! Online:
“I’ve thrown up in almost every limo that has taken me out in the last week. God, they hate me right now.”
It brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it? In fact, it does actually make us wish that Kendra Wilkinson was carrying the second coming of Christ, just because it’d make such an adorable Nativity scene. Imagine – Kendra Wilkinson puking her guts up in a limo with a baby hanging out of her knickers, with the three wise men replaced by topless triplets rubbing their boobs together and Hugh Hefner trying to cop a feel under the Archangel Gabriel‘s skirt because he can’t tell if it’s supposed to be a man or a woman.
Yes, that’s definitely something we’d like to see schoolchildren try and re-enact for their horrified parents each year onstage. Make it so, Kendra.
chris says
Do you actually need writing credentials to write online crap like this? This headline is not misleading it’s grammatically retarded. “Dunno”? Seriously? I’m only slightly more discussed with myself for somehow landing on this article.
Jason says
“Do you actually need writing credentials to write online crap like this? This headline is not misleading it
Andrew says
I’m not even a fan of her’s but you have to acknowledge the fact that shes famous. Come on are you serious? She’s been on/in magazine covers, the popperozzi follow her, she co starred in hit TV show. I could go on and continue adding on accomplishments but there would be to many. Point being shes well known, has money, and shes beautiful. What else more does it take to be famous?
Joe Bravo says
LOL. My prayer is that I don’t inadvertently land on her channel while the show is on—but I would love to read more about it from you. More please!
frankie says
I’m with Chris on this one. I, too, am discussed with myself.
Ironlung says
you mention what is possibly the greatest porn scene of all time, along with the greatest nativity scene of all time, and people mock your grammer??
what is wrong with people? im gonna strap a dictionary to my cock and go find this guy.
mst3kster says
Oh, I hate it when I’m discussed with myself. All those voices in my head…