Keira Knightley: ‘Boo Hoo Hoo, I Don’t Like Acting’

It's inevitable that everyone will complain about their job at one point or another, and it's a given that when they do they'll instantly become the dullest person on Earth - and that goes double for glamorous millionaire filmstar Keira Knightley.

This is because Keira Knightley's job doesn't involve the slumped, day in, day out drip-drip grind that most of the rest of us encounter - or, we dare say, the tightening sensation in her chest that comes with knowing that this is all there is. Instead, Keira Knightley's job involves wearing pretty clothes, jetting around the world whenever she feels like it, hanging out with Johnny Depp all day and getting a disproportionate amount of praise for anything that she actually does. But that hasn't stopped Keira Knightley from whinging about how much she wants to quit acting. And she's in luck, too - our local branch of Lidl is looking for a shelf-stacker at the moment.

There's genuinely nothing more tiresome than listening to someone infinitely better off than you complain about how rubbish their life is. Leonardo DiCaprio almost quit acting once, and Kirsten Dunst is always moaning about her job but - crucially - neither of them actually did anything about it.

This could be because they both convinced themselves that acting was a worthy and important profession, but it could also be that they realised they'd never find another job where they'd be paid millions of dollars to look pretty and fly around the world trailed by a gang of eager fans who'd consider a brief, grubby moment of filmstar fellatio to be the pinnacle of their entire lives.

And the latest moviestar to publicly gripe about wanting to quit movies is Keira Knightley. That's right - greatest ever Hollywood starlet Keira Knightley. Although in her short career Keira Knightley has been nominated for an Oscar, starred in the third biggest movie of all-time got paid to hang out naked with Scarlett Johansson and indulged in all sorts of lesbian sex with Sienna Miller, she's still found the time to complain about everything to Elle magazine like a slightly deluded arsehole. The Times reports:

Speaking to Elle magazine, Knightley said of her career: "The celebrity thing is completely crazy. I think I just have to move away or give it up altogether. I couldn't have kids in the situation I'm in now. But I could just do something else. That's probably what's going to happen. I'm just not so hungry any more. I made a decision very recently that I wanted a life instead." 

Part of the reason Keira Knightley wants to quit acting is thought to be because she's so vastly skinny that people blame her when their children die of anorexia. So Keira Knightley's two main gripes about acting seem to be a) she doesn't like being famous and b) she's very skinny, which is weird because they can both be easily solved by a) not strutting around premiere red carpets in tiny dresses pouting into cameras like the world's biggest attention spaz and b) eating more crisps.

But fair play to Keira Knightley - if she wants to quit acting to take up something else like teaching or gardening or zookeeping or bartending or working in a jelly factory, then we should let her. We should actively encourage Keira Knightley to quit acting, because there are a billion girls waiting to take her place and - if we're honest - nobody would really notice she'd gone anyway.

Now we just have to wait for Orlando Bloom to quit acting too and we might consider going to see a Pirates Of The Caribbean movie.

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I Want To Quit Acting, Says Keira Knightley - The Times