Keira Knightley has made a real splash in Hollywood in recent years, which is something – since Keira Knightley is so skinny that she couldn't make a splash in a swimming pool if she jumped out of a plane dressed in a suit of lead.
To prove how much of a big shot Keira Knightley is in Hollywood these days, she's just won a prestigious honour – readers of Yahoo Entertainment have voted Keira Knightley as the greatest ever Hollywood starlet, despite the fact that most of them probably wouldn't know what a starlet was if one came up to them and sliced their nipples off with a pilgrim's hat.
Keira Knightley has been part of the furniture in Hollywood for so long now that it seems ridiculous to think that she's only 21. In that short space of time – ever since she first pulled her top down for a billisecond in The Hole – Keira Knightley has taken off all her clothes with Scarlett Johansson, showed a bouncer a packet of crisps and got so skinny that she only ever seems to talk about being skinny. And it's probably a combination of these three things that have meant that Keira Knightley has been voted as the greatest ever Hollywood starlet in an internet survey, even though a) she's not from Hollywood and b) we could trap a fart in a tupperware box and that would make a better starlet than Keira Knightley.
Keira Knightley – who admittedly has been nominated for an Oscar, even though she lost and then gave her dress to charity – beat the likes of Judy Garland (who's dead), Scarlett Johansson (who officially has nicer tits), Natalie Portman (who was in Leon as a child, you pervert), Lindsay Lohan (who's got a gammy wrist) and Brooke Shields (who was surprisingly not disqualified for wanting to throw her baby against a wall) to become Hollywood's greatest ever starlet in the eyes of people who read Yahoo Entertainment. Yahoo slave Jayne Cherrington said the following, even though it seems like she wanted Judy Garland or Scarlett Johansson to win deep down:
"A starlet is an actress who people instantly think of as being young, vivacious, stylish, popular and – most of all – talented. There are a fair few starlets jostling for space at the moment, but Keira is the one who embodies all of these attributes. Scarlett may be the talk of Tinseltown but it's Keira's class that leads the pack. It's interesting to see Judy Garland fare so well. People still remember and love her as that fresh-faced girl from The Wizard of Oz, clicking her heels together and wishing for home."
How will Keira Knightley celebrate this momentous victory? Chances are she'll go out for the biggest feast she has ever gorged herself upon – half a grape balanced on a Ryvita and a cigarette.
Read more:
The Great British Public Should Not Be Allowed To Vote In Polls – Star Trip
[story by Stuart Heritage]
ani says
I love keira knightley
John says
Keira Knightley is the greatesteven though she has no boobs she still has great talent
Andy says
Okay. I’m a big Kiera fan. The only thing I can find that you seem to have a problem with her – she’s too thin? I think there are way worse qualities for a person to have. What is the problem with being naturally skinny? For my entire life, I have weighed under 110 pounds. I’ve never dieted, and don’t exercise. My parents are both skinny, as is the rest of my family. But I remember a time from high school, when an older girl threatened to beat the shit out of me unless I faced my weight problem.
How, exactly? Unfortunately man has not yet acquired the knowledge to alter the human genome. Kiera is well respected for her class and social grace, neither which are gained with an eating disorder.
No wonder she complains about her acting career. Unfortunately, there are human beings so tedious and bitter they have nothing better to do except write droll blogs about how they hate a fellow human based on a particular physical attribute.
Don says
Believe it or not there are men who like small boobs, and you can count me as one. To me, small, firm boobs are much sexier than big flabby boobs.
I suppose that the majority of men like big boobs, but it’s not a great majority. A great many American servicemen serving in the Far East had romances with and many married Asian women. Asian girls, on average, have much smaller boobs than women of European or African heritage.
Hooray for Keira. She’s a sexy, beautiful woman, as are many girls with small boobs.