Did you watch the ‘You Ask, Kate Answers’ Jon & Kate Plus 8 special last night? What’s that? You didn’t?
Because Jon & Kate Plus 8 generally makes you quite angry? And just the thought of Kate Gosselin getting an hour of television to carp on about herself makes you hatch wicked revenge plots against humanity? Well fine.
You missed out on Kate Gosselin’s promise that her children weren’t suffering. And you missed out on Kate Gosselin’s claim that she wants to be a film star. And you missed out on us stabbing ourselves in the thigh with a pair of scissors so we’d have something less painful to concentrate on.
If we could teach Jon and Kate Gosselin one thing, it’d be the art of the dignified silence. Or the undignified silence, for that matter. The important thing is that they shut up. Because the more that Jon & Kate Gosselin convince themselves that they need to get their side of the story across, the more we come to dislike them. We just want Jon and Kate Gosselin to go away.
The only people we want to hear from in all of this are the Gosselin children – once they’ve gained the literary ability to write their inevitable harrowing A Child Called ‘It‘-style memoirs – and that nanny who had sex with Jon Gosselin in a hot tub, but only because her stories double up as quite an effective bulimia aid. But so long as Jon and Kate Gosselin have access to television crews, that’s not going to happen.
Yesterday it was Kate Gosselin’s turn to bitch and whine and generally come across as the very worst example of a human being in the history of all mankind, with her much-hyped ‘You Ask, Kate Answers’ Jon & Kate Plus 8 special. Apparently none of the questions we submitted made it to TLC in time, because Kate didn’t answer the questions ‘Why don’t you understand?’, ‘Are you aware of the concept of dignity?’ and ‘Urrr, you’ve seen Jon Gosselin’s penis! URRRRRR!’ which admittedly wasn’t really a question.
Instead, Kate decided to answer the big topics. Like the topic of whether or not her chronic addiction to fame had made her children suffer, which she answered by saying:
“They’re not suffering from this. They’re kids 99% of the time… I’m raising kids who are going to scrutinise people inside and out.”
The other one percent of the time, if you were wondering, they’re like embittered pensioners who can’t understand why their life turned out so terrible. Except for Aaden, obviously, who spends his remaining one percent of the time being a cartoon of a drunk goat.
What else did Kate Gosselin have to say for herself? Well, this:
?I would love to be in a movie at some point. I'd like to be the voice in a cartoon for my kids. I would love for my TV career to be successful.?
You can finish this article off for yourselves. We’re going to look for something to stab ourselves in the thigh with again.
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Jean says
She needs to shut her piehole and tend to her kids and finally be a Mom. She doesn’t know what it’s like.
Jean says
Jon is trying to move on in life, and she exploits the kids for everything their worth. If she doesn’t think they’re being hurt, she’s ridiculous. I’m just sick of the press sucking up to her too.
D.D. says
LMAO!
Maggie W says
I could never understand why Jon stuck it out as long has he did. I was disgusted from the get-go with how she spoke to him and put him down. She is one very scary woman! Doesn’t anyone else hear how she refers to boys being “dirty” and “yucky” She is going to do some serious damage to those little guys. She needs some serious therapy. Get off the “wanna be” movie star dream and be a parent. I was sick of her long before their marriage ended. I just watched to see the kids interact with each other. I am not a big promoter of divorce. But, in this case…it is survival. What makes this woman think that anybody would ever ever want to see her act. She is a ball breaker with a serious case of OCD.