OJ Simpson can't get a break these days; all he wanted to do was to graphically detail the imaginary murders of his already dead ex-wife and her equally dead friend in a potentially lucrative book, and people just want to have a go at him because of it.
And it's getting beyond what OJ Simpson must have expected, too; when he first put pen to paper to decide exactly which bloodthirsty way he'd have killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman if Someone Else That Definitely Wasn't Him hadn't got there first, OJ Simpson might have anticipated people calling him things like tasteless, thoughtless and a dinkle-headed pretend murderer – and he may have even guessed that the book would be pulped because of its questionable content – but OJ Simpson couldn't have predicted that the saga would end up with a judge freezing all of the money that the book earnt him. But the judge did it, and here's how it happened.
Of all the massively ill-advised things a man can do, writing a book about your dead ex-wife and her dead friend isn't such a big deal. Writing a book about your dead ex-wife and her dead friend when you've stood trial for their murders and later been held legally liable for their deaths in a civil case is slightly more ill-advised. Writing a book about your dead ex-wife and her dead friend when you've stood trial for their murders and later been held legally responsible for their deaths in a civil case and then calling it If I Did It, Here's How It Happened… well, that's such an enormously stupid thing to do that the only appropriate method of response is an amusing haiku or two, surely.
If only that were true. OJ Simpson could probably have dealt with a sarcastic Japanese poem, but the If I Did It, Here's How It Happened furore has been far more wide-reaching. First OJ Simpson saw all his books get pulped after an order by Rupert Murdoch, and then If I Did It's editor Judith Regan got the shove thanks to it. And – in perhaps the biggest surprise of all – the father of murdered Ron Goldman got quite upset about it. And that's where today's news comes in.
When OJ Simpson was found to be legally liable for the deaths of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, he was ordered to pay the Goldman family a sum of money that – with interest – now stands at about $37 million. Because OJ Simpson is a retired footballer the law protected him from using his hefty NFL pension to satisfy the judgement, but Ron Goldman's father is still on the lookout for his money – which he says should include the blood money that OJ Simpson said he got from If I Did It, Here's How It Happened.
At the end of last year Fred Goldman sued OJ Simpson, claiming that he created a dummy corporation – Lorraine Brooke Associates – to hide the book's proceeds in, and it's thanks to that lawsuit that a judge has frozen OJ Simpson's cash, as MSNBC reports:
U.S. District Judge Manuel Real issued the order Wednesday, freezing the money during a hearing about a lawsuit filed last month by Goldman’s father. It remains in effect until a Jan. 24 hearing… The latest lawsuit seeks about $1.1 million plus punitive damages, although Goldman family attorney Jonathan Polak said he did not know how much money Lorraine Brooke Associates currently had in its account. He called the order preventing transfer or use of the money a first step to determining the figure. Otherwise, it would be a “moving target” because Simpson could move the money, Polak said.
Even after the firings and the lawsuits and the money-freezing, we're still no closer to discovering exactly how OJ Simpson would have killed Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Luckily, hecklerspray's team of top forensic scientists have been on the case, and they are under the impression that – thanks to a copy of Abbey Road found in OJ's house recently – OJ Simpson would either have done them in with a silver hammer or at least one breed of garden octopus. Or something.
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John Little says
It’s POLITCAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD!!!!11!!
rj says
How many black’s were viciously murdered during slavery ‘the black holocaust’? I don’t recall any white people assets being frozen do you?
Mynou says
Response to RJ:
It is true that black slaves were murdered without revendication. However, times have changed, we’re not in the slavery times anymore, thank goodness. OJ was found guilty in a civil case for the murder of his wife and one of her friends. I find it quite distasteful —- for anyone…black or white— to write a book describing details of a terrifying murder in which they may or may not have been involved. If OJ still believes he is innocent , then perhaps he should have written a book trying to convinvce people of his innocence, rather than turning this whole thing into a bunch of ridiculous speculations of how it could have been if he had in fact been the murdered…. how intelligent is that?…. and to try to make money on top of it, it is …welll…. disgusting. He is disgusting.