Jordin Sparks Kind Of Sorry For Calling Everyone A Slut
So it looks like the big story of the MTV VMAs was the fight between teenagers who wear purity rings and all the other, cooler, teenagers.
Much of this kerfuffle is down to American Idol winner Jordin Sparks, who took so much offence at host Russell Brand’s mockery of abstinence that she marched up to the stage and threw a prissy little tantrum about it on live TV, basically calling all unmarried non-virgins ’sluts’ in the process.
Now that the dust has settled a little, though, Jordin Sparks is feeling a little bit sorry for herself. She still stands by the notion of purity rings, she says, but she wishes she hadn’t called everyone a slut like that. And we have to agree with Jordin Sparks – we think the term she was reaching for was ’squalid Godless fornicating AIDS-carrying sodomites whose corpses will blister and writhe in hell for eternity’. We imagine.
Remember on Monday, when everyone thought that the MTV VMAs were all about Britney Spears and the way she’s amazingly recovered from her mental illness to the extent where she can sit still for as long as it takes a team of experts to style her hair and apply her makeup? How foolish we all were back then.
Really, what we should have been making a fuss about was the growing tension between Russell Brand and the new generation of popstars in the audience. After all, Russell Brand is a notorious sex addict who spent most of his time onstage reeling off lewd gag after lewd gag, and he was playing to a crowd of clingfilm-faced virgin performers who all wear purity rings as a promise to God that they’ll never act on a single dirty thought until they’re married, and who all have Action Man-style sanded-off plastic nubs where their genitals should be.
It was never going to end well, and it didn’t – halfway through the MTV VMAs, blindingly anonymous American Idol winner and proud purity ring-wearer Jordin Sparks clumped her way on stage and said:
“It’s not bad to wear a promise ring because not everybody – guy or girl – wants to be a slut.”
The implication was clear. If you’ve ever had sex outside of wedlock – even if you’re middle-aged and in a professional position of authority – then you’re a slut. A great big slut. A great big dirty slut who hangs around grimy inner-city train stations asking strangers if you can ejaculate into their faces for money. That’s what Jordin Sparks said, give or take a sentence or two.
Already The Jonas Brothers – who bore the brunt of most of Brand’s jokes – have forgiven Russell Brand for his jokes in a last-ditch attempt not to alienate the large swathe of their fanbase who do actually happen to be sluts. But Jordin Sparks is fairly unrepentant about her outburst, apart from the bit where she called everyone a slut. She told Entertainment Weekly:
“I wish I would’ve worded it differently – that somebody who doesn’t wear a promise ring isn’t necessarily a slut – but I can’t take it back now. It was a split-second thing, and it came out kind of wrong. Still, I don’t regret it.”
Still, given that she has already semi-apologised for her remarks, it would be wrong of us to chastise Jordin Sparks further, and we should respect her right to wear a purity ring.
After all, if she wants to deprive herself of sex until she becomes so helplessly terrified and frustrated that she eventually compromises her ideals and marries a completely unsuitable man only to realise that they literally couldn’t be any more sexually incompatible and ends up grinding out the rest of her joyless life one day at a time trapped in union with a man she’s come to resent because he consistently fails to satisfy her physically, then that’s her choice entirely.
Because, honestly, if the alternative is Russell Brand…
“blindingly anonymous”. Spot on. Nuff said.
what a stupid bitch. i bet her daddy fucked her.
Just like Britney Spears’ virginity (and Justin Timberlake’s) were orchestrated by their management (and untrue), I doubt all three Jonas Brothers plan to stay virgins either. Jordin Sparks, however, seems sincere about it — now. Wait until she hits her 20’s and see how she feels. People are so uptight about sex, it’s sad. Some people seriously NEED to get laid.
You know, I think this was kind of uncalled for. The article was really rude and taking things WAY out of context. And ‘me,’ you’re horrible.
How to confuse a Christian; tell them you’re gay and ask for a Promise Ring.
So…you get offended and look down on her for suggesting that people who have sex out of marriage are sluts, but have no problem bashing her for making a personal choice to not have sex? Yeah, that’s fair…
Anonymous, of course the article was “really rude,” and took things out of context! This Hecklerspray, for cryin’ out loud! E! Online, Perez Hilton and TMZ are there to sponge off the entertainment industry, and Hecklerspray is here to MOCK THEM ALL! Think of it as the entertainment industry’s version of The Onion. Thank God for Hecklerspray for putting the puerile into context (even if they do occasionally take someone else out of context to do it)!
Sparks Puts the Damper On Sparks, or
No Sparks Here, or
Sparkless Sparks, or
Dimwit Sparks Hasn’t Any, or
Sparks Not Sparks
Yes, the Out Of Context card. The one-stop, all-conquering argument-winner.
Right on Michelle. It’s so true. You try to lead a clean, moral, respectful lifestyle and those who disagree with it, and have the right to, can’t let it go at that, they have to notify the Universe that anyone who does agree with it, like Jordan, don’t have the same right to express their views. Come on liberals, if you’re going to play the game, play it fair. You can’t have it both ways.
You’re being a little promiscuous with the commas there. Leave something to the imagination, will you?
No, you have every right to be as stupid as you like (so long as you don’t go round ganging up on other people forcing them to conform to your foolish rules), but that doesn’t give you the right to not be mocked for it.
Although I’ve never seen them, I’m getting an insight into the minds of Jordan’s parents:
“We’re going to church because we don’t want to be evil.”
“You’ll wear that jacket because you don’t want to go naked.”
“Eat up your vegetables because the only possible alternative is eating dog shit.”
“Eat up your vegetables because the only possible alternative is eating dog shit.â€
Dog shit??!?!?! Why didn’t you say so!!!
That whole article is a bunch of bull crap
the part under the first quote she did not say that crap…i respect jordin…..theres no need to go around and talking shit about jordin
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i think wat jordin said was ok she didnt word it right but she was right that purity rings are not bad i think both jordin sparks and the jonas brothers are goin 2 keep their promise and wait until they are married what brand did was wrong but i do think its ok 2 wear purity rings