Aside from the bit where it staggered to a conclusion after about 16 interminable hours, what was your Grammy highlight?
Ours was the Jonas Brothers/ Stevie Wonder duet. No, of course we’re joking here – watching a gang of pubeless bumstreaks like the Jonas Brothers and what appeared to be a morbidly obese sealion huff and screech their way through Stevie Wonder’s Superstition was the dictionary definition of unbearable. Honestly, you’d need to be a monumental cockhammer to enjoy something as clearly abhorrent as that.
Incidentally, the Jonas Brothers have called the duet ‘perfect’. We’re just going to leave it at that, we think.
The Jonas Brothers have had quite the year. This time in 2008, nobody who counts really knew who any of them were, but look at them now – one of them isn’t having sex with a girl whose eyebrows clearly weigh twice as much as she does, they’re getting to make spectacularly awful-sounding films and they’re even being invited to the White House. Not bad for a gaggle of virgin wolfmen who have to tolerate Miley Cyrus for a living.
But they needed a cherry to put on their cake. And, if possible, a great big blind creatively-spent cherry. Which, funnily enough, is what the Jonas Brothers got during Sunday night’s Grammys, when they were asked to perform a duet of Superstition with Stevie Wonder himself. Now, before we go on, here’s a video of that duet…
Pick a word to describe what you’ve just seen. Clumsy? Awkward? Cringeworthy? Upsetting? The word that’s probably furthest from your mind at the moment is ‘perfect’. Not even if you like the Jonas Brothers would you describe their Grammy duet as ‘perfect’, because if you like the Jonas Brothers you’re statistically a remedial-level three-year-old and you haven’t got round to learning any two-syllable words yet.
But if you happen to be one of the Jonas Brothers and all of your objectivity has been blurred by fame and your fringe and your ridiculous eyebrows then, yes, maybe you would describe your hideous Grammy abortion as perfect. Which they’ve done, in fact. Reuters reports:
“I don’t think we would have wanted to perform with anyone else. I mean, there were stars in that room who we’d love to perform with, but that was such a perfect opportunity and a perfect collaboration.” “We walked away very, very happy,” added Kevin. “We were raised on Stevie Wonder and his music. We were blown away. To be at the Grammys for the first time performing with Stevie Wonder was awesome.”
OK, so the Jonas Brothers are wrong about the quality of their duet – gloriously, apocalyptically wrong in fact – but you can’t fault their enthusiasm. After all, as they say, they were brought up on Stevie Wonder. It’s just a shame that Stevie Wonder can’t reciprocate the praise.
After all, just look at Stevie Wonder. It’s pretty obvious that he wasn’t raised on anything other than great big wads of deep-fried cheese. Really, Stevie Wonder is very fat.
es2 says
amazing review of what was essentially an absolute trainwreck of a “performance”. i love stevie wonder, and i think hes earned the right to be as fat as he wants, so i can’t agree to much on the stevie bashing. but it is downright classic that i get to laugh my ass off at that moment around 2:45 into the video where one of the “bumstreaks” says “i’m going to take this one stevie!” and he proceeds to forget the opening lyric for that verse/chorus/whatever, either that or he wasn’t on time… either way its hilarious to see his little brain recoil in horror that he just further mangled a classic funk track in front of millions of people.
perfect!
Pshaw says
I actually really enjoyed the performance. Of course it wasn’t “perfect”…but if you had the chance to play with someone you quite admired would feel “perfect” as a moment.
I find it funny that a band of promising kids who at the very least perform with energy (unlike McCartney, U2, Coldplay, etc), fundamental talent (unlike Katy Perry) and actually LIVE without being one massive lipsyncing gimmick of suck (unlike M.I.A.) should be so mocked. But then I happen to think music (even when it’s imperfect) is more important than scenestery BS.
Seriously, I am a big fan, but even I do find it amusing watch Nick look for a moment like he’s going to cry. But only because he’s a perfectionist prodigy and it’s good for him to screw up sometimes.
And at the end of the day the derision should really, OBVIOUSLY be directed at the unforgivably shit sound mix (there were ECHOES for god’s sake) and atrocious camerawork that happened there. Tsk, Grammys.
They were still adorable. It was rough, but not an absolute mangle.
Steven Smith says
Really? You seriously have absolutely nothing better to do than sit around and bash people who have more class than you could even dream of having?! Come on now, get real.
Now, it’s not that I’m a major Jonas fan or even and big Stevie fan, but seriously, why don’t you use your time for something productive. You’re not going to change the music industry by being an ass, so why don’t you learn to sing and get out there and do a little, hmm?
Anna says
i agree with steven on the class thing, the jobros are awesome and u should get FIRED!!!
Gilbert Wham says
What qualifies you to be as fat as you want? How do I get in on this action? Official sanction sounds good to me.
Snowy says
I agree with the majority of the comments. I’m definitely not a Jonas Brothers fan but to completely bash them like that is a bit harsh and they don’t deserve shit like that. I can’t say the performance was “perfect” but it wasn’t abysmal either. To play with someone they admire, they were probably really excited and thought it was the greatest performance ever. Hell, I’d be bouncing off the walls if I ever got to collab with Stevie. I give props to them for keeping their nerves in check and being able to pull through.
And what’s with the Stevie bashing? He’s an amazing musician and makes great music and you’re gonna bash on him for being fat just for the sake of being a total asshole? He’s blind, has some killer chops and vocals, a brilliant composer, but no no, he also has to be good looking and fit too right? People love him for his music, not for his looks. So, rather than writing a useless article, do what Steven Smith said. Go out there and make some music yourself. If you can’t, then give some professional criticism or shut up.
My opinion... says
All these articles sound like total jokes, if they aren’t, the youngest Jonas, Nick, was at the Grammy’s singing with his idol. Stressful much? Like, seriously, Stevie seemed to like them and they are obviously polite decent guys, so why does everybody bash them? They don’t force you to listen to their music, you personally go look for it! I don’t get it…..
DONNA says
YOU ARE AN ASS AND LOOK LIKE ONE. JEALOUS MUCH?????? THE JONAS BROTHERS DID A GREAT JOB WITH STEVIE, I ENJOYED IT COMPLETELY!!!!! YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE!!!! LOOSER!!!!
Tara Hogan says
Other than the rip on Stevie’s size, I completely agree with this article. I mean, The Jonas Brothers are a no-talent group of flamers and the fact that they have any opportunity to even MEET Stevie Wonder shocks me to no end. And more than just me — I believe the majority of the world is horrified.
King says
BAWWW, I LOVE THE JONAS BROTHERS AND THEIR PURITY
No really, they need a band tragedy that’ll split them up. Like Nick getting tossed out a hotel room window. From the 42nd floor.
These idiots and their soul-sucking mother are perfect examples of the demon’s who are destroying the music industry. Britney Spears, Cristina Aguilera, Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, and Justin Bieber to give only a few examples are no talented people who just put their altered voices to decent electronic pop beats and act like it takes some skill. They succeed due to decent publishers and it leads to other publishers seeing the cash they rake in due to mindless cretins and teenie boppers and suddenly thats the only kind of music being made. Meanwhile the real talent gets ignored.