Taylor Swift Gets All Screechy About ‘Cheaty’ Camilla Belle

You may not have known who she was until yesterday, but Camilla Belle is basically a giganto-browed Angelina Jolie lite.

This is because the Joe Jonas/ Taylor Swift/ Camilla Belle triangle of pointlessness echoes the Jolie/ Pitt/ Aniston saga fairly closely. Admittedly this theory doesn’t hold up to scrutiny that well, because if Camilla Belle is Angelina Jolie then that makes her new boyfriend Joe Jonas Brad Pitt, and we all know that Joe Jonas looks too much like an anime lesbian for that to work.

However, Taylor Swift is definitely Jennifer Aniston in all of this, because she’s been gripped by a compulsion to publicly discuss her split from Joe Jonas as much as humanly possible. You see, Taylor Swift says that Camilla Belle stole Joe Jonas from her, and that he’d been cheating on her for months. Is it true? If we find one person who even slightly cares we swear we’ll tear off both our kneecaps.

Yesterday’s news that Joe Jonas has found love with Camilla Belle from 10,000 BC sounded sweet enough at first. After all, Joe and Camilla are both young, both pretty, both morally strict and both in possession of vast, light-absorbing eyebrows that make them look like they’ve been partially tarred and feathered by an angry mob of medieval beauty therapists.

Yes, Joe Jonas and Camilla Belle are perfect for each other. Well, we assume they are, anyway. We’re not actually going to pretend we’ve heard of either of them. But, as perfect as Joe Jonas and Camilla Belle seem together, there’s a dark force hiding in the shadows threatening to rise up and destroy them. Worse still, it’s a force that sings country music. It’s Taylor Swift.

There was a time when Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas were happy together. Happy, but completely secret in case the fact that Joe Jonas had a girlfriend ruined his pure virginal public image. But then tragedy struck – Joe Jonas dumped Taylor Swift in a 25-second telephone call, and Taylor Swift got mad. She spoke of the split in interviews, she made a little puppet show about the split on MySpace, she even wrote sad country songs about the split and she even felt the need to comment about a possible pregnancy after the split. And now we know why she’s so angry.

Taylor Swift has claimed that Joe Jonas was cheating on her with Camilla Belle for ages before they were publicly linked. And you know what that means – more rabid screeching about the Jonas Brothers. OK! reports:

“They’ve been together for months,” Taylor tells OK!. “That’s why we broke up.” Swift says her best advice for getting over a heartbreak is to “write songs about it.” When OK! asked if she and Joe are still friends, Taylor curtly replied, “We don’t talk.”

You don’t have to be a mathematician to see where Taylor Swift is coming from here – if Joe Jonas and Camilla Belle have been together for months, and Joe Jonas only split up with Taylor Swift a month ago, then the only obvious conclusion is nobody cares nobody cares oh christ nobody cares.

Despite this, though, these endless romantic tweeny machinations can only have a positive ending for all involved. Taylor Swift will end up writing 400 albums about the time a girly-looking teenage boy broke her heart, and Joe Jonas and Camilla Belle can spend the rest of their lives gazing adoringly into each other’s eyebrows. It’s perfect.

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Comments

  1. Jordanna says

    Um, the writer of this article, Can you go 2 seconds without insulting somebody? She talks about it a lot because that’s the only thing people ask her about like Jennifer Aniston. Yeah I would be mad too. That Kevin Jonas is a jerk! I would write a song telling him to go F**k off with his wh#re.

  2. Liz says

    You are brilliant…But you missed one crucial point.

    Joe Jonas is not even “dating” Camilla Belle…it’s all the genius planning of Swift’s evil publicist encouraging a poor young pathologically lying country singerette.

    And now you know who all of these people are.

    HAHA!

  3. JOES A WET DOG says

    haahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha joe ur a blind dumbass 4 going out with cammlie belle in the 1st place she looks like that chick off of pirates of the carribean uno w/ the dreads hahahahahahahahaha ILOE U TAY, JOE, UR A ASS HOLE FUCK SOME ONE ELSE

  4. me says

    omg, stop being so mean to taylor. she totally has a right to be pissed off with joe. and as for writing 400 albums about heartbreak… you’ve obviously not researched properly. if you had, you would know the taylor writes about other stuff too. and who cares why her songs are written? – all that matters is that taylor is an amazing singer/songwriter and thousands of people love her music. so go get a life.

  5. taylor swift lover says

    F*** Jonas hes an asshole for cheatin on taylor swift…ts is so much hotter than camillia belle

  6. Jenn says

    “we all know that Joe Jonas looks too much like an anime lesbian for that to work.”
    ROFL

  7. "My Name says

    Omg u guys r sooooo funny!!! I’m not glad Taylor Swift got cheated on, but I am glad they broke up. You guy’s comments are more interesting than the article!!!
    PEACE OUT!!!

  8. Melissa says

    Okay for real, whoever wrote this.. Your an asshole. Taylor Swift did nothing wrong. Its not like she talks about it on her own. Everyone asks her about it and you can tell that she doesn’t wanna talk about it because she gets kind of uneasy. And I totally agree with Jordanna who commented earlier. Stop insulting everyone because this article was not at all enjoyable to read, and made me want to slap you. Oh and please get the facts straight if your gonna try to diss someone. I love it how people try to come up with fake flaws for Taylor Swift because they can’t find any real ones because she is perfect. So why don’t all you jerks go f*** with un-pure Joe and slut Camilla Belle. Thanks:)

  9. kelly87 says

    oh please camilla is better looking than taylor. Taylor is making money out of everything that happens in her life by making boring songs. she is sooo evil.

  10. Lee says

    What Belle does in her private life is none of Swifts business.
    Plus Belle never did a thing to Swift. She’s still pissed off for getting dumped. Swift needs to get her SH** together & quit being a total A**hole Bitch!

  11. nikka says

    Um really joe?ur right he diud look like a lesbian that is so true an animeone ,of course, taylor deserves more than that freaky dude.camilia deserves a freak.like joe jonas,

  12. alex says

    Um, what’s with the hating? You’re insulting Camilla Belle, you’re insulting Joe Jonas, and you’re insulting Taylor Swift…I think the point of this article was meant to be explaining a bit about the Taylor+Camilla+Joe ‘hate triangle’, not discussing how whiney you think Taylor is, how much of a lesbian Joe looks like and Camilla’s eyebrows. I’m on Taylor’s side. Yeah, she might write about all her life experiences and sell them as songs to get rich, but hell, so would I, if I had that talent. We can’t really judge the story, since we don’t have accurate descriptions of what happened from all parties, so I think the paparazzi should give it a rest. What happened, happened, and if Taylor wants to write a song about it, let her.

  13. bevshiazel says

    i dont care about joe jonas. he really is a cheater.
    girls should a man like him
    he’s nithing but a fucking asshole

  14. bevshiazel says

    yeah! you’re definitely right.
    joe and camilla deserves more than that.
    they deserves to go to hell

  15. Jo says

    Erm… the only “chick” from POTC is Keira Knightley and she kinda does not have dreads… that would be Johnny Depp… and she looks a thing like neither. I would dump Taylor’s psychotic butt as soon a sI could if I were him too- who would want such a clingy, childish brat who has nothing better to do than write songs like a 14 year old and start drama with other girls? Oh man, what a keeper! Camilla is classy and a natural beauty. I frankly can’t blame Joe for liking her more than Taylor or Taylor for being insanely jealous of Camilla. =D

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH GET A LIFE CHILD AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I CAN TYPE LIKE IM 5 TOO AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHHAHAHAH

  16. Jo says

    Nope.

    Not in any way.

    Go finish your spelling homework before Mommy threatens to take away your texting.

  17. Jo says

    That’s right, it’s totally normal for people to hide behind their little pop songs like cowards instead of talking directly to the person who you’re upset with, and blame the OTHER girl for what HE did (which was NOTHING wrong… honestly I would wanna break up with that psycho too if I was him). She’s easily one of the most hideously immature people around. what kind of adult female writes songs about high school crushes and “revenge” songs like some spoiled, catty 13-year-old drama queen? she LIVES for starting drama. I dont blame her OR you for being so jealous of the ever-classy and gorgeous and talented (something Miss Autotune Swift knows nothing about) Camilla =D and you’re welcome.

  18. Quinn says

    She’s a bitchy girl who deserves a bitchy guy… that’s why she didn’t deserve Joe =D he saw he deserved better than a catty, psychotic DRAMA QUEEN like Taylor and saw that Camilla was the opposite of all that. I dont blame Taylor for being soooo jealous of Camilla- she’s beautiful, natural looking, talented, classy… everything Taylor’s not =D

  19. Junoe says

    @Melissa.. I disagree. This article actually was really enjoyable. It made me laugh a lot. nobodycaresohchristnobodycares!! wee!

  20. Kayla says

    For people who say Taylor Swift is immature… uh, she’s just now 21 or 22, right? So she was even younger during the Joe Jonas incident. And a lot of her songs about revenge and high school boys she wrote WHILE SHE WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. I’m sure all of you were very mature and never once made a mistake while you were in high school or, for that matter, while you were in your early twenties. It’s called growing up. And she’s doing it under a spotlight. I’m sure she’ll fuck up… I don’t think Taylor Swift or Joe Jonas or Camilla Belle are perfect. They’re fucking kids. With any luck, they all won’t turn out as fucked up as all the other celebrities who grow up under the glare of the spotlight.

  21. Mb says

    I’m on taylor’s side because what idiot
    breaks up with a girl in aa 25 sec phone
    call??? Jerk. But I don’t know if theyve
    been going out for ages, but he did definitely
    Dump Taylor for her….. Jerk, again.

  22. Miss Slytherin says

    Camilla is drop dead ugly, it’s disturbing, also, I have never even HEARD of her before this.
    Joe Jonas looks like a pedophile.
    And Taylor Swift is country, it sucks.
    I dislike every single one of them equally.

    What most people have written so far, it’s as if they know personally who they are, an in reality, they don’t. They would only want to.
    Upon reading this article, it isn’t hard to notice that they clearly are against Taylor in this whole thing. They make it seems as if she shouldn’t be mad that she got dumped in a “25-second telephone call”, I mean, wouldn’t you? Hell, I’d be pissed and doing the same thing she is, and there would be people behind me.
    They make it ALSO seem as if Joe was right to break up with her, and in a phone call all of that length. I will admit, it’s better than a text.
    And Camilla. Well, they said next to nothing other than “Joe Jonas and Camilla Belle can spend the rest of their lives gazing adoringly into each others eyebrows.” Get real, I’d give it around a year, maybe two, before they get sick of each other.

  23. Arrow says

    It doesn’t matter! But what does matter is which bitch is finer! N Camilla is hot as fuck! She’s got ass n curves! Taylor has the body of a prepubescent boy! Flat as a board the bitch is, n big ol’ goofy feet!

  24. Mwa says

    Ok, I get that this is 4 years after this article has been published, but I think I need to clear up a few things. Who the fuck do these people think they are (both the author and those commenting) to hate on Taylor swift. I’d like to see you go out there and release 4 albums and go on multiple world tours. You’re all having a bitch because she’s ‘whiny’. Well, grow the fuck up. She’s got more talent then all of you put together. She writes her own songs as well. You’re whinging about her whinging, when you are clearly jealous that you have no talent whatsoever and enjoy slamming people in comments. Why should you have any say in what she writes about? Oh wait, you don’t. So shut the fuck up, wake the fuck up, and look around the fucking music industry and see what a train wreck it is. It’s completely auto tuned and filled with people with no talent whatsoever. And to those calling Taylor ugly, I’d like you to send me a picture of yourself, because I’m 100% sure she’s prettier than you. Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

  25. Arabella says

    Hey T-swift-fans: calm your tits. If this chick and Adele dated and broke up, it’d cause an apocalypse. They would drown the world with their little heartbroken tears. They would bring 1000000 bad lovesongs into this world. Camilla Belle is gorgeous. Her looks are unique yet classy. Taylor complains about guys being players and she wrote a song about Camilla without even knowing her (I mean writing a song? Seriously? What are you, like.. Nine?) suggesting Camilla’s a slut. Euh excuse you, but check the Whodatedwho page of Taylor and those of Camilla. I’ve seen many WDW-pages and Taylor has the longest list of them all. Not to mention that the psycho bitch felt the need to write 246 songs about each of them. Adele and her are the same age and while Adele is married and pregnant, Swift is still mentally in a high school crying about guys who dumped her 1234165 years ago. And you all are acting as if she’s an innocent godess. She did a nose & a boob job and stilll she manages to look like shit. Haha and ‘we are never ever getting back together’ THE TITLE THOUGH. How does she expect us to take her seriously? It’s been months and I’m still laughing. Camilla is the shit, Taylor is shit. ‘nough said.

  26. Mia says

    The author of this article just cannot seem to stop insulting people. It’s not pithy. It’s just asshole-ish.