Aside from outing wizards and rolling around naked in a in a dump-truck full of money cackling at God, JK Rowling hasn't found a whole lot to do with her time since she put the finishing touches to Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows.
Actually that's not strictly true – since Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows was completed, JK Rowling has written a set of fairytales. But these are fairytales with a difference, because a) they've been hand-written by JK Rowling, b) they were mentioned in Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows and c) instead of being published they're going to be given away and auctioned off for charity. And they'll be the absolute last word on Harry Potter, except for the last two films, the merchandise, the theme park and the forthcoming sculpture of Harry Potter that JK Rowling is having carved into the moon along with the legend "I'm a lot richer than you, you know. Love JK" written in Garamond – the fanciest font.
This must be an emotionally draining time for JK Rowling. It's well-known that finishing Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows left Rowling in tears – and now that she has to move on and work on another project, the pressure must be incredi… oh, who are we kidding? JK Rowling is rich. Rich! She could spend the rest of her life just eating endangered bird eggs and drinking liquidised antimatter all day long and she'd still have enough cash left to buy your entire family, dress them up as wood and then burn them on a fire for fun.
What we're getting at is that JK Rowling probably doesn't need the money.
But that hasn't stopped JK Rowling from thinking about Harry Potter. Just recently Rowling was in America reading bits of Harry Potter books to children and flashing them a bit of bra when it looked like they were dropping off, but that might have all been a front for the latest JK Rowling's latest big reveal – the new, handwritten, screamingly limited edition set of Harry Potter-based fairytales that she's written for fun and profit.
The Tales Of Beedle The Bard were mentioned in Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows when recently-confirmed homosexual Dumbledore left them as a gift for Hermione. And since the Barbara Streisand CDs that Dumbledore left Harry Potter, the half-used tub of lube that he left Ron or the worn-out cock-ring he left Snape were mentioned in the book, it's been left up to JK Rowling to actually create copies of the fairytales herself – by hand and not for publication. One copy will be auctioned off for charity and the others will be simply given away. JK Rowling said:
"Writing it has been the most wonderful way to say goodbye to a world I have lived in for 17 years… Six of these books have been given to those most closely connected to the Harry Potter books during the last 17 years. This seventh copy will be auctioned; the proceeds to help institutionalized children who are in desperate need of a voice. So to whoever now owns this book, thank you — and fair fortune be yours."
She's a canny woman, JK Rowling, we'll give her that. You know, we wouldn't be surprised if she's filled all the Harry Potter books with little mentions of various wizardy trinkets to keep her going if times ever get hard. Should she lose her fortune tomorrow, all JK Rowling needs to do to earn some wedge is pop a housebrick on eBay and say "Forsooth, it is the nefarious housebrick of Q'ayitta Blenp, as mentioned in chapter six of Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets. And this magical, one-of-a-kind item can be yours for just £250,000. No? £100,000? £100? 50p and I promise to get my bra out again. Anyone?" Genius.
eben says
“Garamond – the fanciest font” – word.
Michael Parkatti says
I wouldn’t worry about missing Harry too much — they’ve recently announced a TV spin off!
http://www.humblenarrator.com/2007/11/02/harry-potter-tv-spin-off-announced-in-buddy-cop-subgenre/
Dave Laz says
if i recall from reading harry potter & the deathly hallows, “tales of beedle the bard” were morality tales for young children
at least Aesop & the Brothers Grimm can rest easy knowing its JK Rowling doing the writing here so there is no chance, not one bit, that she’d ever borrow anything from other morality tales