It’s fair to say that in 20 years time, JK Rowling won’t be signing on in her local dole queue whilst furiously puffing on a cigarette proclaiming to the world. “I’m bloody JK Rowling me, I used to write cute and cuddly books about speccy boy wonder wizards”.
Because her latest and final Harry Potter book sold 11 million copies in the first 24 hours of release, she isn’t short of a few quid. So what’s next for JK Rowling? Our guess, probably nothing really. She’s got all the money she’d ever need and can now spend her time trying to write books for adults and not for children yet to learn that wizards aren’t real. However, JK Rowling doesn't think she's wrung out every sale of Harry Potter books she can yet. You see, JK Rowling is busy clawing away to try and get some last-gasp Harry Potter publicity. She’s only gone and revealed that lovable headmaster Dumbledore likes the magic wand in more ways then one.
That means he's gay, by the way. Magic wands look a bit like penises, you see.
Children’s animation and literature has always had its fair share of dodgy double meanings. But when you’re young and naive to the big bad nasty world around you, it’s not always clear what the 'true' intention of the creator is. Decades of TV proves this. Were Daphne and Fred in Scooby Doo really going off together to unmask the fake ghost/ pirate/toilet attendant /witch, or were they going to misuse the Mystery Machine for their own adventures? You only have to look at some of the characters in Captain Pugwash to see how filthy it was – Master Bates, Ben Dover, Seaman Staines and Roger the Cabin Boy. If those were the actual characters' names, Captain Pugwash would have been disgusting. But they weren't so it wasn't. Still, though – ugh.
So does it come as any surprise that Harry Potter is the latest piece of well known children’s entertainment to have its own sexual undertones? Well, when JK Rowling is busy not showing the world her bra, it looks like she's busy running around making men gay. Men like the sweet lovable headmaster Dumbledore, who – according to JK Rowling – spends the bulk of his time off dyeing his famous white beard to the seven colours of the rainbow, squeezing into some kinky undergarments and promptly getting himself down to the nearest men's club. As BBC News reports:
Fan sites have long speculated on Dumbledore's sexuality as he was known for having a mysterious, troubled past.
Based on this, we can surely expect to see some sort of spin-off, either from some bored fan or JK Rowling herself when she runs out of ideas. Expect Dumbledore: My Trauma to contain countless tales of how he was made to play Quidditch stark bollock naked as a lad and how he had to spend extra time with his teachers. It should make for an interesting and almost tragic read. This being almost tragic because it’s not actually real. Still, gay rights campaigner Peter Tatchell welcomed the news about Dumbledore and said:
"It's good that children's literature includes the reality of gay people, since we exist in every society. But I am disappointed that she did not make Dumbledore's sexuality explicit in the Harry Potter book. Making it obvious would have sent a much more powerful message of understanding and acceptance."
We're not exactly sure how Tatchell wanted Dumbledore's sexuality to be a bit more explicit. Maybe he's suggesting that JK Rowling could have written scenes where Dumbledore forced the students to don tight leather outfits and dance to YMCA during PE? Because, let's not forget, that's how all gay people behave all the time.
And, not meaning to piss on Peter Tatchell’s parade, but we can't see how gay Dumbledore has helped children's literature to 'include the reality of gay people' because, as we've said, wizards aren't real. Now, if only Rowling had made Hedwig gay, we're sure she'd have received a lot of support from the gay owl community. Which does exist.
Read more:
Tammy says
I don’t understand why she is making this statement. What does it have to do with the story? She is just such a strange person. I thought it was just a story for kids. Is she trying to get kids & the world to accept homosexuals?