You may have read reports about Jessica Simpson getting dumped by Tony Romo – and it doesn't matter if you haven't, because Jessica Simpson's read it for you.
We know. Jessica Simpson can read. Weird.
Anyway, Jessica Simpson isn't pleased about the reports, to the extent that she's getting her lawyers to make OK! magazine apologise for telling lies.
But, hey, Jessica Simpson can read. Who knew?
You can't always believe what you read. Why, just the other day we read that if you grab a baby by the ankles and shake really hard its eyes fall out. Not true at all. Also we read that Dallas Cowboys sporty-type Tony Romo had dumped his girlfriend Jessica Simpson. And apparently that's not true either, although it hasn't got us in as much trouble with the police as the first one.
Apparently, according to a report in the February 4 edition of OK! magazine entitled 'Jessica Dumped!' Tony Romo split up with Jessica Simpson because he didn't want to move to LA, she didn't want to leave LA and, besides, she's a double shot of bad luck for him. And also Jessica's sister Ashlee kind of thinks she's a bitch.
That's the reported version, at least – we think it's probably a lot more likely that Tony Romo caught a glimpse of Jessica Simpson's silhouette in profile one night, thought a Tyrannosaurus Rex had come to eat him and dumped her out of fear.
Wait, no, that's not true, either. In fact, Jessica Simpson is saying that none of it is true and that she's going to hold her breath until OK! does a massive apology saying that it lied and that men only dump Jessica Simpson because they're gay, mentally ill or the TV show based on their sham marriage to her comes to an end. Or something. TMZ reports:
Simpson's lawyers have sent a letter to OK!'s Editor-in-Chief, Sarah Ivens, claiming OK!'s article is bogus, adding that Jess and Tony are still together and that Ashlee and Jessica remain close. The attorneys say the article reflects a "smear campaign" and has subjected Simpson to "public contempt, ridicule, aversion or disgrace." The lawyers want OK! to "immediately publish a prominent and unambiguous" retraction.
So the truth seems to be that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are still very much together, for the time being at least. We're sure that news will be welcomed by the millions of Dallas Cowboy fans around the world who all now see Jessica as a jinx-laden Yoko Ono hero-destroyer figure.
But anyway, even if Tony Romo had split up with Jessica Simpson, would it really be all that bad. After all, all Jessica needs to do is make one phonecall to her dad and she can have any boyfriend she wants.
Besides, all of this palaver has just caused a bigger problem for Jessica Simpson. By getting her lawyers to order a retraction from OK! because of a 'smear campaign' against her, she's shown herself to be humourless, heavy-handed and just a little bit paranoid. People don't think anyone has a smear campaign out against Jessica Simpson for one very obvious reason.
And that reason is that people just don't care about Jessica Simpson enough to create a smear campaign. Ask yourself this: if Jessica Simpson suddenly disappeared from the face of the Earth, how long would it take for you to notice? Months? Years? Face it, you'd have to end up stuck on an aeroplane being forced to watch Employee Of The Month before you even started to wonder where she'd gone.
And even then you'd think she was Mandy Moore.
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Leslie says
She must have had someone read it to her. I simply refuse to believe she is literate.
Harvey Birdman, Esq. says
She can read?!? I thought that was more Hecklerspray humour.
Seriously, though. Can she?
Ginger says
I hope Tony Romo did dump her.
amber says
i also hope tony romo dump her.
Chels says
She’s dumb, gives real legitamcy to the whole “dumb blonde” ideal. I hope he did dump her and if not hope he does soon she f’ed up the whole football season…