Don't be fooled by the rocks that Jennifer Lopez has got, she's not so rich that she won't sue you for over half a million dollars if you try and write a book about how much she likes doing it behind your back.
A Los Angeles Superior Court judge has upheld an earlier ruling stating that Ojani Noa, an ex-husband of Jennifer Lopez, has to pay $545,000 to Lopez as punishment for trying to publish a book revealing all of their marriage's dirty little secrets. Not only must he pay out $545,000 to Jennifer Lopez, Ojani Noa has had the release of his book blocked forever, marking a threefold victory for Jennifer Lopez. As well as the obvious financial gain that she's received from her legal win – plus the knowledge that she can keep her private details under control – by suing Ojani Noa and winning, Jennifer Lopez is also sending out a warning to Ben Affleck never to try and publish that book called I Totally Did It With Jennifer Lopez that he's been working on so hard.
There isn't a man on the planet who doesn't want to be married to Jennifer Lopez, and that includes children, homosexuals and those unfortunate few who saw Maid In Manhattan. Although there'd be downsides to being Jennifer Lopez's husband – constantly being in her shadow, having to console her each time people booed her movies, having to pretend to enjoy the terrible songs she's written about you, being forced to star in every single film she makes with her, putting up with all the endless holier than thou preaching – they'd be balanced out by all the good points of being married to Jennifer Lopez. Granted, we can't think of any at the moment, but we sure they exist. Probably.
Oh, we missed out one other negative point about being married to Jennifer Lopez – the way that Jennifer Lopez sues you for hundreds of thousands of dollars every time you want to write a scurrilous tell-all book about the grubby side of your marriage. You can just as the first Mr Lopez Ojani Noa about that – originally he'd tried to publish a book about Jennifer Lopez with the classically awful title The Unknown Truth: A Passionate Portrayal Of A Serial Thriller that allegedly detailed, among other things, Ojani and Jennifer's first sexual encounter and the way that Jennifer Lopez apparently cheated on him with current husband Marc Anthony when Anthony was still married to his wife.
Anyway, long story short, Jennifer Lopez sued Ojani Noa because after they divorced Jennifer Lopez let Ojani run one of her restaurants until she sacked him, he sued for unfair dismissal and the matter was settled out of court, along with the proviso that Ojani Noa never disclosed any personal information about their relationship. And since Noa's book was a breach, last month Jennifer Lopez was awarded $545,000 of Ojani Noa's money after winning the lawsuit, and now a Superior Court judge has backed up the claim. E! Online reports:
Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Michael C. Solner on Wednesday upheld a ruling by a court-ordered arbitrator that the Cuban-born Noa had violated a previous confidentiality agreement by shopping around a manuscript purportedly divulging secrets of Lopez's private life… During Wednesday's hearing, Solner granted that permanent injunction barring Noa from "criticizing, denigrating, casting in a negative light or otherwise disparaging or causing disparagement to plaintiff." He instructed Noa to hand over all copies of materials pertaining to the book.
Wow, not being able to disparage your ex-wife? That's a punishment worse than any material penalty. No, what are we thinking, the material penalty is clearly far worse. Anyway, at least now Jennifer Lopez has won her lawsuit against Ojani Noa we won't need to rush to read The Unknown Truth: A Passionate Portrayal Of A Serial Thriller. What with OJ Simpson's creepy murder book and the book about how Larry Birkhead and Howard Stern were doing it, we're going to be pretty busy piling through trashy opportunistic cash-in books as it is.
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