People misjudge Jennifer Lopez all the time. To them, Jennifer Lopez is just the massive-arsed egomaniac who doesn't want you to be fooled by her collection of pebbles – but in reality Jennifer Lopez is the wisest woman in the whole wide world.
We know that Jennifer Lopez is the wisest woman in the whole wide world, of course, because Jennifer Lopez told us so. You see, Jennifer Lopez has looked around at all the young celebrities bouncing between rehab and jail, and her laser-guided common sense has deduced that Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton can't stop getting in trouble because they're constantly surrounded by yes-men. Obviously Jennifer Lopez is right, too – and you'd be foolish to ever doubt the incredibly wise super-judgement of the woman who thought making Monster In Law was a good idea. Or Anaconda. Or The Wedding Planner. Or Maid In Manhattan. Or The Cell. We could go on, but we won't.
Or Gigli or Enough or Jersey Girl or Shall We Dance. OK, we're finished now.
Jennifer Lopez has a film coming out today called El Cantante – a sort of Salsa-based Walk The Line – that co-stars her husband Marc Anthony. Leaving aside the fact that, between El Cantante and the just-announced Jennifer Lopez / Marc Anthony joint tour, Lopez and Anthony only need to bring out a game for the Nintendo Wii to complete a hat-trick of marriage-raping cash-in products, Jennifer Lopez has been lumbered with the job of promoting El Cantante; a tough job since it's basically a biopic of someone nobody knows starring people that nobody likes.
Rather than going down the obvious 'hey, at least El Cantante didn't get booed as much as Bordertown' interview line, Jennifer Lopez has instead decided to look at the themes of the movie and draw some contemporary comparisons. So, since El Cantante is about a salsa singer who destroyed himself with drugs and the seductive power of fame, Jennifer Lopez has decided to talk about why Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are such gigantic messes.
As if you didn't already know, Lindsay Lohan was recently arrested for DUI for the second time in two months with cocaine in her pockets, Paris Hilton spent 21 days in jail after breaching the terms of her DUI probation, Nicole Richie has been sentenced to jail for DUI and Britney Spears now spends all her time either threatening to kill people or stumbling around covered in dog shit. And this makes Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony sad. That's why they've decided to finally reveal the answer to all of these young stars' problems, as IOL quotes:
[Lopez] said: "Nobody has a handbook for fame. It's no easy thing to deal with. You've got to have good people around you." Anthony added: "The thing about this business, in a way it's pretty sad, because you get child stars who are too many people's meal ticket and they're not going to tell the child that they can't do something. I had people who kept me in line. I was fortunate in that way. Now… it would seem that people's best interests are just to keep the star happy as long as the money is still coming in."
Thank God that Marc Anthony has his head screwed on when it comes to matters of fame and has never been associated with tax fraud or drug dealers or… oh.
Still, at least Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton and Britney Spears and Nicole Richie will be comforted by the fact that Jennifer Lopez is looking out for them and very obviously has a genuine concern for the wellbeing and isn't just rabbiting on about them to get people to see her hokey new film. We're sure the Scientology invites are in the post.
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