It's a well known universal fact that whenever a politician tries to be funny, cool or generally down with the kids, they end up looking like massive embarrassing out-of-touch dickwads – so it's a shame that Hillary Clinton hasn't been informed of this.

Hillary Clinton, as we all know, wants to be the next president of America, but she won't be able to unless she somehow learns how to engage key core voting groups. Luckily, Hillary Clinton has just the trick for this – she's asking the public to choose her campaign song for her. Readers of Hillary Clinton's website have been asked to select the song that'll help her become the next president although – since the list includes two U2 songs, a KT Tunstall song and something by forgotten baggy tosspots Jesus Jones – she's more likely to inspire entire cities of people to run into the sea screaming, crying and clutching their ears.

The US presidential election won't take place for another 18 months, but that doesn't mean that all kinds of tiresome power-hungry dimwits from both parties aren't doing their best to appeal to voters already. Barrack Obama has been hanging out with some famous sycophants, while the Republican hopefuls… actually we don't know who any of those people actually are, but chances are it involves not liking Michael Moore that much. 

Streets ahead of the pack, though, is Hillary Clinton – who wants to be the next president of America so she can fool around with fat-mouthed interns and see how he bloody well likes it. Hillary Clinton has struck upon a crafty way to involve the public in her election campaign – she wants everyone to help choose her campaign song by visiting her website and voting for one. Sadly there's a shortlist to choose from, so none of you can block vote for, say, My Humps or whatever song it was that Akon simulated sex with a child to that time.

No, instead you'll be forced to pick between one of these equally offensive songs, as Hillary Clinton introduced on a heee-larious video on her website in the weird style of an overly chummy daytime TV presenter about to throw to a feature about baking some lovely scones:

U2 – City Of Blinding Lights

U2 – Beautiful Day

KT Tunstall – Suddenly I See

Smash Mouth - I'm A Believer

The Temptations - Get Ready

Dixie Chicks - Ready To Run

Shania Twain – Rock This Country!

Jesus Jones - Right Here, Right Now

The Staple Singers – I'll Take You There 

Although it seems like a random bunch of blandly inoffensive songs with vaguely inspirational titles, there's a lot off clever political thinking that's gone into Hillary Clinton's choices. For instance, by featuring two U2 songs, Hillary Clinton linking herself with noted humanitarian and compulsive hat transporter Bono; while Ready To Run has clearly been chosen because the Dixie Chicks don't like George Bush and neither does Clinton. Also, it's a little known fact that Smash Mouth are never short of a snappy quote when it comes to things like the Economic Development Public Buildings And Emergency Management subcommittee.

So go and do what your inner six-year-old has been screaming at you to do since you started reading this. Go and vote for the song you think Hillary Clinton likes least. Common sense tells us that that's KT Tunstall because, after some research, we've discovered that Hillary Clinton has ears.

Read more:

U2 In Running To Become Hillary Clinton's Campaign Song – NME