Hermione Granger Turns 18, Gets Her Knickers Out

Harry Potter stars aren’t exactly brilliant at concealing their modesty, are they?

First Daniel Radcliffe decided to get naked for a play about a mental kid who stabs horses in the eyes, and now Emma Watson‘s at it as well. To be fair, Emma Watson hasn’t waggled her penis around in front of a paying audience at the behest of a frightening imaginary horse-God, but she did show everyone her knickers getting out of a car at her 18th birthday party. Which is sort of the same thing.

Which is all well and good – getting your pants out for the paparazzi is as much a part of being a celebrity these days as complaining about the paparazzi taking pictures of your pants – but we have our concerns. If Emma Watson’s pantyflash gives Ron Weasley any ideas about public nudity, then we’re quite prepared to corkscrew our own eyes out now to protect our fragile minds.

Emma Watson is 18! Hooray! She’s a proper, fully-grown adult! Yay! She can vote! She can drink booze down the pub! She can get married without the permission of her parents! And, best of all, the paparazzi can take gigantically intrusive pictures of her underwear without being worried that it makes them look like paedophiles! Hooray!

Emma Watson had her 18th birthday party on Saturday. And rather than do the traditional 18th birthday thing of going to the local pub and feeling a bit awkward because you’ve been going there for three years anyway and now you’re just rubbing it in the landlord’s face that he was jeopardising his career by illegally selling you alcohol in the past, Emma Watson went to fancy Mayfair restaurant Automat with some friends.

But that’s not the main story here, and nor is the fact that – simply by turning 18 – Emma Watson gets £10 million in Harry Potter wages that her parents had been keeping in a trust for her. No, the main story here is that an enterprising member of the paparazzi managed to jam a camera into Emma Watson’s crotch and snap away at her knickers like a giddy old goose when she was sitting in a car. Or, as The Sun puts it:

The young actress didn’t flash a smile but she did flash something else – so I have covered her modesty with an aptly-placed picture of co-star Rupert Grint.

Oh Emma, now the world knows what your knickers look like. It’s a slippery slope from there, dear. First you flash your knickers, then you decide to go out without any knickers on – giving the paparazzi a view so horrifyingly internal that it’ll turn about an eighth of all men who see the pictures instantly gay – and the next thing you know you’re running round a rehab clinic with a shaved head trying to hang yourself because you’re convinced that you’re the devil.

However, Emma Watson seems like she’s a vaguely intelligent girl, so perhaps she’ll learn from this mistake and only go out wearing trousers or full-length skirts or three-inch thick metal knickers or whatever. But perhaps it’s too late for that. Perhaps now the damage is done.

Remember how Johnny Borrell was all over Emma Watson when he’d only seen her fully-clothed? Now he’s seen what Emma Watson’s knickers look like, so we’d expect that he’s going to start stratching on her patio door and groaning all the time, like the zombies in last scene of I Am Legend, if the zombies wore leotards and looked like they smelt quite bad. Poor Emma, she’s doomed.

Read more:

Cheer up, Her-moany Granger – The Sun


  1. Jess Timmermans says

    Give me a break! She was wearing a short dress…and she was getting in a car. The paparazzi are perverts. They were disappointed that she didn’t look drunk, so they point the camera at her crotch.

  2. David Bryden says

    Newsflash: when you’re hunting for a “knickerless celeb” story, and you find knickers, you have no story. Go home.

  3. gir says

    Newsflash: when you read a humor and satire website and do not get it, do not post. Go outside.

  4. flierpa says

    i repeat: the word heckler in hecklerspray means:

    A heckler is a person who shouts an uninvited comment, usually disparaging, at a performance or event, or interrupting set-piece speeches, for example at a political meeting. A heckler is almost always regarded as unwelcome by the person with justifiable claim to be the centre of attention. The audience too usually finds the interruption an unwanted distraction; however they may sometimes find the interjection amusing or apposite.

    the militant anti-humour people on this site are hilarious in themselves. one could call them meta-hecklersprayers. well, if they had humour of course.

  5. your mom says

    Well it wouldnt be so bad except they were see thru. oops. Whats the point of wearing them if they are see thru???

  6. says

    Motherfucking paparazzi are fucking all over this shit and all her skirt.
    Motherfuckers have no fucking decency, then they have the fucking nerve to call her a tramp or some such shit, when they had no fucking right to be down there in the first place.
    Those fucking pricks should be hung and shot. Get your motherfucking cameras out of the fucking cabs, out of these bitches skirts! These assholes give these bitches shit when they have no right.

    At the same time, this fucking bitch didn’t fucking realize that her fucking short skirt would at some time or another, expose her? She has the fucking nerve to wear little to no panties under that fucking thing?

    A double up case of what the fuck? What the fuck is this fucking world coming to?

  7. Paparazzi_will_fuck_your_children says

    fuck you Paparazzi, i bet you will say your mothers are really homo men if they didn’t threaten to take away your mother- son/Daughter sex night. Emma Watson is a good person, and doesn’t need you damn Paparazzi shooting your happy man Mayonnaise in her face, she never did anything to you, bet you get bags full of shit burning on your porches, cause you are fucking nazis man nazis, you mine as well go to peoples homes and fuck their children cause wat you do is sick and cruel, so FUCK YOU YOU FLAMING FUCKING HOMOS WHO JERK OFF FOR A FUCKING LIVING

  8. Stuart Heritage says

    The above comment, there, courtesy of Dennis Hopper’s character from Apocalypse Now. After a knock on the head.

  9. Sabrina says

    Never mind what’s seen or not seen.  Does anyone know where I can get those knickers?

  10. says

    what’s the world fuckin coming to these days if i was Draco malfoy i would call u guys a [mundblood] whitch means dirty blood and i would tramp u out like tom riddle did to Harry’s parents u fuckin bitches

  11. diago says

    draco malfoy was too weak to be a death eater but as for he who must not be named he will be destroyed very soon