First Daniel Radcliffe decided to get naked for a play about a mental kid who stabs horses in the eyes, and now Emma Watson‘s at it as well. To be fair, Emma Watson hasn’t waggled her penis around in front of a paying audience at the behest of a frightening imaginary horse-God, but she did show everyone her knickers getting out of a car at her 18th birthday party. Which is sort of the same thing.
Which is all well and good – getting your pants out for the paparazzi is as much a part of being a celebrity these days as complaining about the paparazzi taking pictures of your pants – but we have our concerns. If Emma Watson’s pantyflash gives Ron Weasley any ideas about public nudity, then we’re quite prepared to corkscrew our own eyes out now to protect our fragile minds.
Emma Watson is 18! Hooray! She’s a proper, fully-grown adult! Yay! She can vote! She can drink booze down the pub! She can get married without the permission of her parents! And, best of all, the paparazzi can take gigantically intrusive pictures of her underwear without being worried that it makes them look like paedophiles! Hooray!
Emma Watson had her 18th birthday party on Saturday. And rather than do the traditional 18th birthday thing of going to the local pub and feeling a bit awkward because you’ve been going there for three years anyway and now you’re just rubbing it in the landlord’s face that he was jeopardising his career by illegally selling you alcohol in the past, Emma Watson went to fancy Mayfair restaurant Automat with some friends.
But that’s not the main story here, and nor is the fact that – simply by turning 18 – Emma Watson gets £10 million in Harry Potter wages that her parents had been keeping in a trust for her. No, the main story here is that an enterprising member of the paparazzi managed to jam a camera into Emma Watson’s crotch and snap away at her knickers like a giddy old goose when she was sitting in a car. Or, as The Sun puts it:
The young actress didn’t flash a smile but she did flash something else – so I have covered her modesty with an aptly-placed picture of co-star Rupert Grint.
Oh Emma, now the world knows what your knickers look like. It’s a slippery slope from there, dear. First you flash your knickers, then you decide to go out without any knickers on – giving the paparazzi a view so horrifyingly internal that it’ll turn about an eighth of all men who see the pictures instantly gay – and the next thing you know you’re running round a rehab clinic with a shaved head trying to hang yourself because you’re convinced that you’re the devil.
However, Emma Watson seems like she’s a vaguely intelligent girl, so perhaps she’ll learn from this mistake and only go out wearing trousers or full-length skirts or three-inch thick metal knickers or whatever. But perhaps it’s too late for that. Perhaps now the damage is done.
Remember how Johnny Borrell was all over Emma Watson when he’d only seen her fully-clothed? Now he’s seen what Emma Watson’s knickers look like, so we’d expect that he’s going to start stratching on her patio door and groaning all the time, like the zombies in last scene of I Am Legend, if the zombies wore leotards and looked like they smelt quite bad. Poor Emma, she’s doomed.