Warning: this is a story without winners. You’ll probably end up hating everyone involved, and yourself a bit.
Why? That’s a good question. Tila Tequila sustained heavy cuts and bruises after being pelted with rocks and bottles at a music festival this week. But it’ impossible to feel sorry for Tila Tequila on several levels. This is partly because the first thing she did afterwards was to leap on Twitter and scream about how much she was going to sue the organisers of the festival.
Mainly, though, it’s because Tila Tequila was performing at an Insane Clown Posse festival, and at least if you’re hit on the head with a rock during an Insane Clown Posse festival there’s a good chance that you’ll suffer enough concussion to help you forget what a never-ending pile of unadulterated shit you were just performing at.
Sometimes it feels like following the travails of Tila Tequila is like watching a film. A terrible film, obviously – one that nobody likes because it’s got a wanker for a star – but a film nonetheless. Recently we’ve had to deal with domestic violence and phantom pregnancies and possibly invented drug addictions and lord knows what else, and now we’ve got to put up with what basically amounts to a stoning.
Here’s what happened. Early on Saturday night, Tila Tequila performed at a festival for fans of the band Insane Clown Posse. This in itself is depressing – it means that a band as blindingly awful as Insane Clown Posse has got enough fans to actually warrant a festival – but then the fans started hurling rocks and other missiles at Tila until she had to come offstage injured.
Here’s what Tila told TMZ:
“I went onstage and immediately, before I even got on stage, DUDES were throwing HUGE STONE ROCKS in my face, beer bottles that slit my eye open, almost burnt my hair on fire cuz they threw fire crackers on stage, and they even took the sh*t out of the port-0-potty and threw sh*t and piss at me when I was onstage.” She went on to say: “These people were trying to kill me. ?So then after the last blow to my head with the firecracker they threw at me exploded, my bodygaurd and the other security grabbed me and ran as fast as they could to the shitty trailor. ?Since their security SUCKS, the 2 thousand people ran after us, trying to kill me. ?They almost got me so they finally reach the trailor, blood all over myself, cant stop bleeding, then all of a sudden, all 2 thousand people surround the trailor and busts the windows!!! ?Even the guys INSIDE with me were shaking! ?Their hands were shaking cuz they were so scared! ?So 3 guys inside the trailor had to grab a table and push it over the broken windows and grabbed all the chairs they could find so hold the people from outside back. ?It was scary as hell!”
And that’s even more depressing, because we’d always assumed that anyone who likes Insane Clown Posse would lack the motor skills necessary to propel objects with their arms. CNN reports:
“She’s pretty cut up,” said a performer who saw the violence at the “Gathering of the Juggalos” in rural Hardin County, Illinois. The witness asked not to be identified so that he does not anger the juggalos. Tequila posted a Twitter message Saturday, saying she would sue the festival. “Pretty soon, the owners who run the juggalos will be bankrupt,” she tweeted.
What? The witness didn’t want to be identified because he was scared of enraging the Insane Clown Posse fans? That’s a bit weak. What are they going to do if they get angry? Deliver their newspapers in an intentionally slapdash way? Not tidy their rooms even though their mothers have asked them nicely? Write ‘I AM ANGREE!!!!’ on the inside cover of their Year 8 geography exercise book? Those fans are out of control.
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mithaearon says
I actually had to google who Insane Clown Posse are.
JoeMomma says
Sadly, for some bizarre reason I know who they are. Never heard a note though. What would a porn princess perform at a metal(?) show? Oh never mind…
hoohaahee says
“Fuckin’ lawsuits, how do they work?”