Heidi Montag has split up. Don’t panic – her cosmetic surgery scars haven’t popped undone or anything.

She’s emotionally split up. Heidi Montag is no longer with her husband Spencer Pratt. Nobody knows why Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt split up. It could be that Heidi Montag realised that Spencer Pratt was a moron, or it could be that Spencer Pratt realised that Heidi Montag was a moron, or it could be that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt both realised that their marriage was a sham, or it could be that both Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt looked in the mirror and realised that they resembled a hideous mutant Barbie doll and an excessively self-confident woodland orc and decided that they could no longer go on like this.

But they’ve split up. That was our point.

Before we go on, let’s look back on the good times that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt shared as husband and wife. There was, um, that time, they…. no, it’s gone.

Fine, we’ll look back at the shit times that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt shared as husband and wife. There was Heidi’s horrible solo album. There was Spencer’s grotty beard. There was Heidi’s relentless surgery. There was Spencer’s new career as a sort of cyber Jack Bauer. There was that time that, after she had all her surgery, Heidi Montag visited her mother and when her mother expressed dislike for Heidi’s new look, Heidi tried really hard to cry before realising that her tear ducts had been surgically realigned to the back of her knees. Great times, great times.

But now Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have apparently split up. Let’s not pretend that we care, just in case it’s all a horrible big publicity stunt and this story makes them realise that if they keep splitting up and getting back together then they can squeeze out their nanofart of residual fame for another couple of weeks or so. UsMagazine reports:

Following reports of Heidi and Spencer Pratt split, Jennifer Bunney tells UsMagazine.com that Heidi is ditching her husband this summer to live with her. On Friday, Heidi’s rep told TMZ that she is “looking to move out due to all the fake bad press that Spencer controls…She’s tired of it and is looking for a place and wants to focus on her acting career.”

Rumour has it that Heidi’s decision to move out is all part of a reality TV show project. It’s unlikely that the project will involve Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt being stuffed into cannons and fired into the sides of some buildings, but we live in hope.

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