Quickly, what was Elton John’s last non-Billy Elliott single called? Oh, come on, you must know. It had pianos in it.
Remember? It was performed in the style of a slowly-deflating walrus. No? Fine then, we’ll tell you – it was Turn The Lights Out When You Leave. Remember how it goes? Oh, who are we kidding – nor do we. Nor does anyone. Nor does Elton John, probably.
And that’s probably why Elton John has announced that he’s quitting pop music. Only pop music, mind you – he says that from now on he’ll only make music that fits his age. Elton’s next single – a cover version of the Steptoe And Son theme-tune played on dinosaur bones and a malfunctioning intensive care ventilator – is expected to be released soon.
Music has been a bit of a side-line for Elton John over the last five years. It’s something that he’s put on the back-burner, preferring to concentrate on little things like throwing tantrums and selling candles and making giant chocolate statues of himself. But the good news is that Elton John is BACK! Sort of.
As sad as it is to say – especially because nobody wants to see Elton John riding around on a BMX and singing about Facebook in Justin Bieber wig more than us – Elton John has announced that he isn’t interested in pop music any more. He’s got a new album out this year, but it’s apparently going to be full of things like gospel and country and skiffle and dust or something. And don’t expect any singles from him, either. Digital Spy reports:
Elton said: “In the ’70s, ’80s and ’90s, the record companies said you had to have a single. I think I’ve fulfilled my brief. I don’t have to make pop records any more. The singles chart is not one I’m going to be in very often any more, so my view is to make records that fit my age. I don’t think I’m going to do ‘Crocodile Rock’ any more.”
This, we feel, is a mistake. Elton John shouldn’t make records that fit his age. Elton John should make records that fit the age of someone about ten years younger than he is. Because a record that truly reflects his age would be awful – there’d be songs called things like If That Ball Comes Over My Fence Again I’ll Put A Bloody Knife Through It and I Have A Prostate The Size Of A Watermelon, plus you wouldn’t be able to hear any of it because his TV would be on full volume in the background. And it’d smell funny.
Still, no more Crocodile Rock at least. Don’t say that Elton John doesn’t know how to treat his fans right.
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chris says
Couldn
Crazy Water says
And I should care about what you think because why?
Anne says
Quickly, what was Stuart Heritage
StuFan#1 says
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 if even you only knew how to think hard for one second even then may be but I don,t know for sure but would,nt you I don,t know for sure may be realise that Stuart Heritage is not only a greatest man to live in side the inter-net but possibly I don,t know for sure even more?????????/ Purrrrrrrrrrr lease can oll of the hatters in here not even get to know that they can take away their horrible disgust and their mindwarts and just go and just throw them away some where else? (their horrible disgust and their mindwarts)
John says
Elton’s last single was “The Bridge” off the “Captain and the Kid” album. “Turn the Lights Out When You Leave” was a single off the album before that called “Peachtree Road.” I think what Elton is saying is that he’s spent too much time trying to make songs to compete with today’s “in” pop stars and will focus, instead, on making quality albums. This is, after all, a lost art. Before the invention of CDs, albums with flow and substance were created rather than a bunch of songs cobbled together. Considering the state of modern pop music (Nickelback anyone?), I say leave Elton alone and let him create the brilliant albums that he can.