It's easy to imitate Elton John – all you need is a pair of ridiculously outlandish glasses, a big ginger wig and a month's supply of profiteroles – but actually being like Elton John is another matter entirely.
But Elton John, the helpful chap that he is, has just made being exactly like Elton John a whole lot easier. It's been announced that a new line of Elton John scented candles are being released, meaning that now homes across the land can start smelling exactly like Elton John wants them to smell – even though an Elton John candle range will only really appeal to the people who like Elton John enough to have bought his latest album, which isn't really that many.
It's a little-known fact that if you look up the word 'harebrained scheme' in a dictionary, you don't just see a picture of Elton John but a giant 3D Elton John head pops out of the dictionary, kisses you on the lips, sings a quick verse of Benny And The Jets and then disappears again. Well, at least it would if 'harebrained scheme' was a word and not a phrase. Or if books could contain moving, singing life-sized animatronic versions of popular singers. But you get the idea, like.
In the past, we'd thought that Elton John had set himself an unattainable level of harebrained-ness to top; what with deciding to become a gangsta rapper, ordering every new American band to dress more like he does, thinking that people would want to see a play about some singing vampires and actually having a life-sized statue of himself made out of chocolate. But somehow Elton John has done it – he's decided to launch a range of Elton John scented candles.
The legally extraordinarily polite Elton John has teamed up with Bath&Body Works to create a new line of Stuff That Stinks Like Elton John, as Fox News reports:
The company announced a new collection of home fragrances – a collaboration between the rock star and Harry Slatkin, president of Home Design for the parent company – that makes its debut Tuesday at its Bath&Body Works stores and its White Barn Candle Co. stores. It will also be available online at bathandbodyworks.com. The Elton John Fireside Home Fragrance Collection, ranging in price from $7.50 to $16.50, includes scented candles, scented stones and home fragrance oils. The collection is expected to be expanded to include soaps and other categories.
Apparently inspired by his English country manor, the Elton John Stink Range is expected to make a whopping $10 million in its first year alone – something which thrills smell tsar Harry Slatkin, who said of Elton John:
"He has a passion for candles. He is my kind of guy."
And what's more ten percent of the money that Elton John's Smelly Candles makes will go back into the Elton John AIDS Foundation, so you've got no excuse not to go out and buy one of Elton John's Candles That Honk. Alternatively, you can wait for a few months until Elton John launches his new line of Elton John-branded giant prosthetic milk-filled udders that you can strap on to the side of your car so that your car looks like Mummy Pig and all your children can drink from it and look like the mutant piglet children of the car-pig, and then buy one of those. Or something.
[story by Stuart Heritage]